I really am on muscle relaxers, too. I'm a bit fucked up. And when's the best time to do anything? That's right; when you're fucked up. I like driving when the package specifically says, "Do not drive and/or use heavy machinery."
What does this mean? To not drive AND use heavy machinery means you're NOT doing both. I am NOT driving AND using heavy machinery. To not drive OR use heavy machinery seems to imply that you can do one, but not the other. Since I am not operating an earthmover, I can drive my car at an excessive rate of speed. Can I pass that car by driving UNDER it? Conversely, does anybody have a tractor I can borrow?
Don't get your panties in an uproar over the responses to the Phoenix ad. I'll have those up over the next couple of days. It got flagged and removed, but not before getting 70 responses.
But let's get back to the new ad. I got fucked up on these muscle relaxers and wrote this new ad. Let's fuck with our Houston friends (Ha! Friends!). I hate the place. It's hot. It's humid. Bunch of redneck shitkicking hicks. And believe it or not, these are the finer qualities...
Messed up on Painkillers! Let's go out! - Houston (27)
I'm on muscle relaxers because I pulled something while moving my stuff. I'm looking for a new boyfriend. We'll start off hanging out, and hopefully move up to the grown up stuff. Basically, if you respond to this ad, you're saying you're willing to show up to my apartment in Sugarland this Saturday and help move all my stuff onto a truck and out to my new place in Galveston. Also, you have a truck (or easy access to one). You'll meet the others that might respond to this ad, and I'll decide who the best ones are to keep hanging out with.
I'm looking for a guy who is really nice and honest. If I'm not wearing enough makeup, you'll maybe tell me, "Hey, perhaps you should put on some blush," or "That eyeliner doesn't do it." If you tell me I look like a 2 dollar whore (his words, not mine--which is why it's over between us), then that might cause some problems. You enjoy jigsaw puzzles, knitting, and gardening (as my new place will have a garden, and I'll need some help with it). You have no troubles lifting 100 pounds repeatedly. And as I said before, you drive a truck. You went to college (Ivy League preferable, 3.2 GPA required). Also, you know how to treat a lady. I don't care about race, as long as you're not Asian, Spanish, or African-American (not that I have any issues with these Peoples). And jigsaw puzzles are really important, since I did them competitively as a kid (timed competitions).
About Me:
I went to college at Sandusky State College in Ohio and got my 4 year degree in communications. I've been a partner in a company (with my now ex-boyfriend) since just after graduation. We make "novelty products" (a label required by the FDA) called Babymaker Condoms. They're like regular condoms, but each have been removed and repackaged with a small hole. The hole is pretty obvious, but business growth has been slow. WE think it's pretty funny. I love comedy, and try to hit comedy clubs and watch a lot of funny movies. I tried some stand-up, but that's some really hard stuff (WARNING: people really do heckle if you don't come prepared).
Email me your favorite joke and we'll talk. 
No comments:
Post a Comment