RESPONSES: Chastity Belt-Wearing Maritime Lawyer

Welcome to the latest responses. Good stuff. Apparently maritime lawyers and/or those obsessed with 14th-16th century England are in high demand. Keep THAT in mind when you're in a bar looking for a little action. You could open conversations with...

"These Goddamn chastity belts get so rusty. It needs lubricating...Anyone?"

or

"I think botulism is SO cool."

Or just use your imagination.

1
Hello,

This is always the hard part for me. I never know
what to say, and when to stop writing. First I am
single and have no children. I enjoy being with
people and have lots of friends, I enjoy my life but
would like to find that special someone to spend time
with. I am a teacher and have time to travel and
would love to find someone to travel with. I like
doing things outdoors (running, hiking, and biking).
I like going to the movie and out to dinner. I enjoy
cooking, but not for myself. I live a healthy
lifestyle, and workout almost everyday that is unless
it is to hot. I have been in LA for about 6 years.

I know I don’t know you, but I would like to. Please
tell me more about yourself.

What do you like to do for fun?
What are you looking for?
What ever you would like to tell me?

Ask me what ever you would like, and I will be true
and honest with you.

Take Care

R****

2
So I see you on CL looking for a White Knight.

My first thought was "Shit! KKK made it onto CL"

3
I am 43 years old, Russian n Italian and Spaniard, 6'3 pursuing a career in writing / screen writing. Don't worry, I still have my day job were I do earn well over sixty-thousand a year.

Writing has always been my passion and I have decided to go for it, but in a financially safe manner, lol.

I was a professional photographer back in the mid-90's, I covered the Hollywood scene and done private portfolio shoots for model's, actors and others. I still do some photography now and then, but I mostly shoot outdoors, scenic stuff.

I will soon be starting production on my very first independent film, I wrote the screenplay and I will also direct the film myself. I plan on taking it all the way to Sundance and the Latino Film Festival.

I am moving on my own, getting a long awaited divorce and finally moving forward to accomplish everything I have put on hold.

I am looking for friendship and possibly more with a woman that is also into the entertainment scene, your an actress, writer or just love the Hollywood scene and you are interested in sharing the experiences that lie ahead.

If your interested in starting a beautiful friendship with a truthful and passionate man, send me your pic and I will send you my picture back.

PS.......... No games, no drama, please be real and serious.

4
Hi I am Mark

Your ad attracted my attention as I realize we may have a lot in common.

I am fit sporty with a new approach. 195 lbs 5-11 clean healthy metaphysical

Meditation yoga adventure naturism Weekend getaways

Singing guitars karaoke funny no smoker 48 self-employed grayish eyeglasses.
*(I only post this because I recognize it as a response to the other ad for the post-op.)

5
You are a beautiful thought, a thing too apart to hold in the hand, and a song
in my dreaming."

Dear maiden, would you allow me the honor of making your acquaintance?
My name is K****, I am 43 & probably not of a knightly caliber but I do make a
good friend. I have always been intrigued by all things medieval & would like to
learn more. If you would like to know more let me know, I would be happy to send
a couple of pics (nothing obscene i promise)

6
What a great post, M'Lady. =) I played D&D in school, and think it would be great to have a friend who's seriously into swords and sorcery. I'm white, 40, educated, and would love to hear from you.

S****

7
Hey M'Lady, I am Ashton. I liked your post a lot. Not
easy to find a medieval woman these days. I am 23,
6`0, good looking (pictures of my face attached),
funny, loyal, compassionate and a straight shooter. I
live in Los Angeles. I have a stable job and a
car(Mercedes). I work out, play basketball and rugby.
I like going out to watch live sports and music.

Hoping to hear from you,

A***
*(Includes two self-taken pictures. This is the second ad of mine he has responded to.)

8
This reminds me of a Summer stock theatrical production of "Fonzie Does Shakespeare!"

Renaissance and Middle Ages are years apart... But I digress.

Chastity belts are OK, but they sort of get in the way of personal hygiene.

However, if you are a lawyer representing empty shipping containers, you'll do just fine.

9
Dearest Lady Knight,
I'm a member of the Barleycorn Country Dancers, and I'm not looking for a date.
what I am looking for is a trebuchet. would you happen to know where one can be
found in the LA area???? For money, I work on movies, and a film project that
I'm connected with needs either a trebuchet or a catapult.

Thank you,
K****
*(Includes picture of schmuck with ugly, tacky tattoo on arm. He is also a repeat responder to my ads.)

10
My dear Lady,

I pray this letter finds you in the best of health and cheer. For I would truly be distressed to find you otherwise. I am known to some as Xenos, to others as Tyrus Barstok, and yet to others as Darius Penhaligon. My lineage is quite diverse and have found it necessary to change not only my name but my history from village to village.

I shall keep this brief, you can find me at the following:

www.myspace.com/x*****

I await your response.

11
so with your medical problem,does that mean butt fucking is out of the question?..because i've got this new blueberry flavored anal lube i wanna try out on someone

12
Hey
38.
Look like 33.
Single, never married, no kids, no skeletons...

I'm guessing your ad is too weird to be spam.
So I'm interested!
And I never go to concerts.

Like to chat with a fantasy writer?
I'm pretty up on my medieval history, and wrote much of my first novel
in William Morris style medieval prose. Actually had some authentic ME
dialogue in there too.
My agent, however, made me turn it back into modern language so he
could understand it, which is what I'm doing right now.

Maybe my picture is too ugly though.
So I'll just keep writing and go to salsa class in a few hours and
chat with the ladies there who know nothing about history or
Marguerite of Anjou.

13
hmm...

Your post actually prompted me to write, but I'm not a white knight, and I wouldn't ever want you to settle, but have you considered a Samurai?

(not japanese, just asian ancestry).

And I liked your post...

attached is a training partner, the next photo will be one of me. fair?
*(Includes picture of what looks like a coat rack. What a tool.)

14
HI,
I AM EUROPEAN STUDENT OF MEDICINE, HISTORY AND PHILOSOPHY... I LOVE MEDIEVAL FICTION LITERATURE BUT UNFORTUNATELY ENGLISH BELEATRISM DOESN'T HAVE MANY EPIC HEROES UNTIL TOLKIEN... OTHERWISE I THINK MIDDLE AGES ARE A BIG BLACK HOLE IN EVOLUTION OF WESTERN HOMO SAPIENS CAUSE FROM COLLAPSE OF ROMAN EMPIRE TO RENAISSANCE NOTHING HAPPENS... THE ONLY PROGRESS IS BROUGHT FROM EAST OVER MUSLIMS... MIDDLE AGES WERE TOTALLY UNNECESSARY LOSE OF 1000 YEARS... WHEN COLUMBUS LANDED ON BAHAMAS WE SHOULD LAND ON MARS! SO, GENERALLY I THINK MIDDLE AGES SUCKS...
BUT I LOVE HISTORY, ROMANS ARE THE BEST, THE BIGGEST NATION EVER. I HOPE YOU LIKE THEM TOO. THEY DIDN'T HAVE THAT MUCH ARMORS BUT THEY WERE FOR SURE MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE AND CLEAN THAN MEDIEVAL KNIGHTS.
I LIVE IN WEST HOLLYWOOD AND I CAME TO LA BECAUSE OF MUSIC CAREER. IN EUROPE I USED TO BE PROFESSIONAL SOCCER PLAYER SO I AM VERY INTO SPORTS, BESIDES SOCCER CHESS, BILIARDS, SKIING, DIVING...
5'10, 140, ATHLETIC BUILD, BLOND, BLUE EYED... I LOVE TO DATE OLDER THAN ME CAUSE I FEEL MUCH MORE MATURE THAN OTHERS AT MY AGE...
IF YOU FIND ME INTERESTING, PLEASE GET BACK TO ME.
HAVE A NICE REST OF THE DAY
U****

15
Even funnier if you're serious! And lemme tell ya something: I was a French Lit major and was totally into the medieval lyric poetry -- it's amazing how they "did it" back then. We need a time machine. Nothing like a bit of gallantry.

Now, if you go around speaking with an English accent because you think that's so cute, well that won' t work. Figured I'd say that up front.

What the hell is this very-high-pitched sound causing trouble? Never heard of that. Chastity belt, that I can handle. Nothing like starting too soon to ruin something good that's happening. You keep it on.

Here is a stupid picture of me with a fish I caught, and I'll never do it again (catch and stuff a huge fish). And a painting I got recently down in Cartagena Colombia. That was cool. I speak a few foreign languages. Never heard of a "buck" though. I'm a Bruin.

If you know martime law then you must be acquainted with great circle routes.

m****

Seems my fish picture is too big. Here's another ...
*(Includes pic of Mr. Pretentious on hike. It's a self-pic. Probably because everyone hates him too much to help him take a picture of himself.)

16
you sound like a friggin great person.
Midevil/Reniassance times are awesome and I'm
seriously interested in learning about these times
whether we're into eachother or not.
-Cassidy
send me back a picture of you 20th+ century clad...
the armour is cool though.
*(Includes pic of really creepy looking guy.)

17
Sometimes I take liberties with moderns like you and leave out vowels. I'm
interested in you as a friend possibly as I'm not high school game D&D lit.
That's to say I knew the boys playing it then and liked them as people more or
less but didnt become 1 of them. I see something with another history to discuss
if we can, with overlap with your fave age. I recently finished with a
Renaissance woman in London and she called me Mdevl, to sneak in an e. I doubt
she meant it complementarily as she dist then over her period, witch u seem to
like or run into yrs, or vice versa. But that was when we were on terms so
maybe she was playing, knowing my start reached further back.

18
i have a passion for the knights templar. read anything i can find about them. i'm a medieval history buff as well. i'm 50 though that might turn you off. see you m'lady

19
M'Lady,
Very cool! How is it riding around in all that armor? It must be fun. So, I consider myself a modern day knight. I am a Lieutenant in the Air Force and went to a AF Academy. I really like fighting the good fight and being honorable.
So I am also 27 and I live in H****.
Maybe we can chat and see what happens,

To Success,
B****

PS "To Success" is my units motto.
*(Includes pic of schmuck on hike. Repeat responder to my ads.)

20 (originally typed in multiple colors)
Before I discuss the reason for responding to your ad, and before the thought enters your mind that this is some bloody boiler plate canned mass generated response, please gander at that electronic monstrosity called myspace which has my profile: www.myspace.com/8*****
You can't eat your cake and have it too, now can you? ("When people say, 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too.' What good is a cake you can't eat? What should I eat, someone else's cake instead?")
Yehhhh....Okkkk....moving forward!

I am 25, Jewish, 6'2", slim, athletic, and very active in sports like skiing, mountain and rock climbing, swimming, biking, running, waterskiing, skydiving, soccer, hockey, golf, tennis,etc.
I especially enjoy traveling and just this past summer I was in Europe, Budapest and Zurich, and I spent over a month there. I had the most amazing time there, and it was all rather lively to say the least. I would love to share my experiences there with you.

I work for I***, and I am currently transitioning into architecture designing Bauhaus style homes, incorporating all available renewable energies....

Please do tell me a little bit about yourself such as current career involvements. (I mean I would like to know everything there is to know, but at the same time I wouldn't want you to reveal all of your cards..no..ahem..of course not!)...

just a few interests of mine:
Arthur Janov:"Primal Scream", Joseph Murphy: "Power of the Subconcious," Philip Roth, Updike, Kurt Vonnegut, Terry Gilliam, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Beckett, Kafka, Pinter, Woody Allen, My Dinner with Andre, Monty Python, Kubrick, Carol Reeds, Orsen Wells, Tati, City of Lost Children, The 400 Blows, 8 1/2, Philip Glass, Koyaanisqatsi, Kurt Cobain, Camus, Huxley, Frank Lloyd Wright, Lennon, Shamanism, Progression, Primitiveness, Reductionism, Nikola Tesla, Nanotechnology, Schnabel, Jarmusch, Holistic Health, Auric Healing, yoga, TM, Neo Rauch,etc.

There is so much to say, yet not enough space in this here little four sided box.
Narrator:More cliches? Blimey!

And so it goes........

I am looking at a Bauhaus style house, and I was wondering if you were interested in taking a look at it with me! It's still on the market, but I have this feeling it won't be for very much longer...ahem...excuse me!

Thank you kindly for your attention.
I****
ps
Attached is my picture. Please do send me a picture of yourself.
*(Includes pic of guy in black shirt. I recognize him as a repeat responder.)

21
Hi my dear fair lady I know we will never meet olny in gods kindom where he waits for us to join him with our family

I'm 46 of age my fair lady never married nor have any girlfirend but I do know the lord have bless me with a mind thats global

I talk to you soon maybe in another time

22
You HAVE Armor ! That is so cool. I have to say i am a bit of a history buff my self. 2 years ago me and a buddy whent to the SCA event in Phoniex it was pretty cool. He joined Chaide i think. Any way my name is Joe im 29 and i live in encino. I am an electrican the money is ok it pays the bills, so what else are u into?

J**

PS: do u have any pics of u in ur armor, not that i am crazy i just think its cool. How many people do u Know who have a set of armor?

23
I thought about answering your ad in old english, but that seemed a bit much. I will say I majored in History in college, with an emphasis on the middle ages in both Europe and Asia. While I ceased to play D&D in high school, I am currently play World of Warcraft, which is pretty much everything I wished D&D could be as a kid. I am a huge closeted nerd (actually not so closeted, but you would never know it upon first meeting me). I'm an avid reader of Sci-fi and fantasy (racing through Tad William's Otherland series at the moment) and watch a lot of TV and movies (can't wait for "Rome" tonight). Thankfully, all the tv and movie watching has paid off, as I work in the entertainent industry and love my job. The storytelling process is what I live for, no matter what the medium.

I won't lie, I've only been to one rennaisance faire in my life, but I had blast.

M***

24
Good evening, M' lady!

Frankly, I don't think I'm qualify to be your gallant knight - I'm more into Tolkien's world than English history.. Actually, I'm not English at all - I am Russian from Russia and my English is very pale comparing to my Russian. Oh, and I have a strong Russian accent! I used to play AD&D (thief or clerick, hehe) before I moved to LA and I even tried to play online in IRC chats but it's not as fun as it is in person. I work as IT guy in a law firm and I must say I like working with computers.
Do you really wear a chastity belt? The ones I saw were really ugly and rusty. I guess titanuim makes it much more wearable. I'd like to send you my photo in chemical protection suit but I cannot find it anywhere (it looks almost like your armor but it mado of rubber and a gas mask is not as shiny as your helmet).

Can you go out see movies or they are not recommended because of VHP?

25
Wow, a Fair Maiden! :)

You are God send. Indeed. I am impressed with your personal. I am a history buff myself, and have a photo dressed like a knight. But of course, that was long time ago, when I was handsome, young and foolish.

Sadly, galantry is dead. The days when brave knights rescued the distressed damsels are (almost) gone. :(

Passion. Perfection. Power.

Truly,
A Wandering Knight

26
Hi!

...so your CL ad caught my eye! :o)
I have always had an interest in damsels, knights and squires...
(i figure, if i HAD lived in that time... i'd probably be a good squire to some decent knight!)
...though a few of my friends have gone to Ren-Faire many times, somehow i missed out.
i have read quite a few books on King Arthur... my favorite being _the Once and Future king_
my favorite knight is Gareth of Orkney... :o)
...that must be quite difficult, dealing with VHP (pitches?!)..., i have heard that very low sounds
like that of an elephant roar can do the same thing...
and then lastly, i went to school in Madison... so you're a buck and i'm a badger! :o)

blue skies,

tea (asian male)

27
It sounds a little surreal. AI hate to say it but you are an amazing
character. I am a screenwriter/producer and i have to say i would
love to meet you, if you are indeed real.

I just can't tell you how intriguing your posting is.

A little about me to see if you are at all interested. But before
that....you are fascinating.

me 5'9" grew up in LA. educated, USC, CU,

Trim toned body, Mediterranean looks, trim toned body.

Brow hair and eyes. Really well traveled. Very open minded. I happen
to like the law... but i don't have to talk about it.

I am also a doc director who is trying to make films that save the world.

I love swords and other medieval paraphernalia.

Please write me back so i know you are real and i hope we can meet.

You seem so interesting.

J**