New Yorkers. So fun. 20 kajillion people packed into an area smaller than a backyard in an LA suburb.
Their responses follow. I don't even look at the pictures anymore, but I'm pretty sure I got several dick pictures because I see several emails that just say things like, "Eat this!" or other equally sophomoric things. I won't include those.
I'll begin with the very last email received...
0
Your posting has been flagged down by craigslist users.
Approximately 98% of postings removed by flagging are in violation of craigslist posting guidelines.
Please make sure you are abiding by all posted site rules, including our terms of use: ...yada yada yada. We're used to this by now, right?
1
Amazing,
I love that you are asking for parental references. It almost makes me
want to answer this challenge. I don't think I have ever had to apply for
anything in my life that required so much info. I have to say that right
off the bat, this date does'nt look like it has fun written all over it.
But I respect that as a woman, you have to be careful about who and where.
So good luck and best wishes, I think I am too much of a fly by the seat of
my pants kind of guy for you.
2
hi there i am colin not colin farrell i am 29 from nyc i am single would love to show you i aint one of the guys i hope you pick me thanks
3
oh ya,like any guy will do that, you dont even post apicture, i highly doubt the accuracy of that so called story in watts???[ya fucking right]please get back on your meds
4
sounds like you want to steal somebody else's identity
5
Who needs someone like you ?
6
I think you should be a comedian :-), or a private investigator... It took you a few months to decide to leave the guy who wanted to kill you. I think you need to take a second look of your college transcript!
7
I just read your post, and found your stories amazing! A guy tried to have you killed, and your body dumped in Santa Monica (my mother lived there years ago), and it took you several months to break up with him after that?!?! Then a guy steals from you on one date, and tries to kill you aging with peanuts on a second? Absolutely incredible. Hopefully you will realize that NY guys are different.
As for me, I have never tried to kill anyone, have never appeared on America's Most Wanted, and don't keep peanuts around the house (sometimes I put them in spicy Thai noodles when I make them - but I can use cashews instead). I am 5'11", with reddish brown hair, hazel green eyes, a football player build, d/d free and a non smoker. I have a good career (cop for 16 years), and am college educated (Cum Laude from a Catholic college in NYC). I enjoy live music, cooking (no peanuts...I know), travel, comedies, the outdoors, exploring the city and reading about history. If you are interested, and would like to know more, please let me know.
8
You can't imagine how bad I felt for you reading that.
I just want to reassure you that there are good guys
out there. I like to think of myself as one of them. I
'd like to buy you a coffee or maybe lunch? You choose
the place and you can bring whoever you want...cop,
big brother, bar bouncer, pit bull. It may or may not
lead to anything, but I just want to show you nice
guys really exist. Thanks for your time and I really
do hope to hear from you soon.
B***
9
I'm sorry for the past experiences you had; it's very tragic. Just a bit of advice...you have some serious trust issues and perhaps online dating is not the most suitable medium for you to get to know people. I'm not saying that you should absolutely trust anyone you don't know but the items you are asking for will put a strain on you getting to know anyone unless they the same kind of person you are. Anyhow, good luck to you...I hope your wounds will heal.
10
He tried to kill you and you broke up A COUPLE OF MONTHS LATER! WTF?
11
Wow. You waited 2 months to break up with a guy who just tried to
kill you???
And another guy tried to kill you with peanuts???
Where were you picking these guys up? SanQuentin? Were they giving
away free passes to the looney bin??
Sorry if that appears to be insulting, but I just have a hard time
believing...well, any of that. In all my years, I have never before
met a woman who fits the phrase "Hard Luck Woman" to this degree.
Restless Leg Syndrome, allergies to peanuts, and willing to date a
guy who actually IS carrying a weapon. Wow. I wish you luck.
12
You're a mess! lol Totally been beaten down by the
man..so-to-speak. Wow horrific stories - they must
grow men differently out in La? lol Strange and
pathetic. Anyway love to chat more about your life
history too - sound very much like a movie we need to
script!
13
theres a reason your single
14
Sorry to hear that.
But most all women bring it upon themselves because you go with the bad boy type that you either want to change into a good guy, or you go with a bad boy who you think is a good guy, but women have NO IDEA how to judge things especially a man.
The good guys to you are boring, predictable, not exciting and no fun.
When you use false criteria like boring, predictable, exciting and fun to judge a "Good man" or a man that you want to date from all the other character traits that you women SHOULD be looking for, that's what you end up getting.
I've heard these same disaster stories literally thousands of times over because women choose men based of illusory criteria because women just wanna have fun. It's a deception but women love deception since that's more fun then truth.
15
I'm honestly wondering if this is a serious ad or wether your joking....for some reason curiosity's really getting the better of me here.
-shy
16
Hi,
I read your post, its very interesting. You seem like a sweet woman, however whatever might of happen to you in the past is something you will never forget of course, but you got to move on.
I have met a lot of people on Craigslist, mostly making new friends this way, since I'm still new to the city. A word of advise, just meet someone in a big public place, such as a restaurant in Times Square or another location. This is perfectly safe. I think you asking for parents names, university records, etc is just a bit over doing it.
If you asked any respectful woman or guy, chances are she/he would tell you being safe is great, but your being paranoid. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully you are seeking professional help for your past misfortunes in life.
17
You sound like a real treat.
18
Youre a real psycho, but I like crazy girls and I think we should talk
19
Is this a serious ad?? If it is, I think Id like to meet just because you have some interesting stories to tell.... I thought I had stories, but no body ever tried to kill me and hide my body!
As far as your list of demands..... a pic is attached. you wont meet my mother or father, even if things developed, for quite a while. I dont share my fmaily with others until Im ready, which takes along time. An official college transcript?? How about I show you the 3 degrees on my desk at work; the seals are real, as I dont know of nay structural engineers that can 'fake it'. I have no food allergies, although Im not really a big fan of certain chinese food. my work history for past five years has been engineering company, engineering compnay , engineering company. you can look at my resume if you like. and our first date will only consist of either a meeting for coffee or an after work martini. An itinerary is unecessary because I dont even know if youre attractive yet. We do the meet n greet in a public place and go from there. Dont you think I would be a little nervous and want to meet in public too? Youre a stranger in nyc to me as well.....so we both procedd cautiously.... But I would give it a try becasue you sound NOT typical, which I dig.
And for physical stuff...Im 6'4, 170 lbs, blue eyes, blondish brown messy hair, did some modeling in the past, thin with a swimmers build, and a little bit dorky. And I live in brooklyn
-m******
20
thats the craziest story I ever read really---wow is ot true pr are
you a professional writer--geez man--sorry to hear--
im a normal guy--on the boring side--in NYC--send me a pic before I
write you again--I dont like peanuts either...haha
P***
Sunday, April 15, 2007
CL Ad: LA to New York
This is one of the crown jewels in my fraudulent personal ad crown. It was strange, and got many even stranger responses. This has inspired me in many ways. I am hoping to write another one for our New York friends any day now.
Starting Fresh in New York
I just moved here from Los Angeles and am trying to start fresh. I'm new to New York, and would love to meet a guy to take me around and show me what this place has to offer (but with certain conditions which you'll find out about later).
Up front, I'll tell you I've had it pretty rough recently. I haven't dated in a while because the last date I went on ended pretty badly. My exboyfriend and I got lost and we ended up in a bad part of LA off of the 105 (Watts if you know where that is). It was nighttime and he said he needed to fill up the car so we exited the freeway (though I told him not to). He pulled off onto a side street, got out of the car (and took the keys with him), and jumped into another waiting car and took off. These guys from the area (gang people) came and were supposed to kill me and hide my body under the Santa Monica pier(my boyfriend paid them to do it), but we just ended up driving around all night and they took me home. We broke up a couple months later, and since then I've had major trust issues with guys.
Before that, another guy I was dating (not really a boyfriend) stole my identity and sold it to undocumented workers (though let me say up front that I am NOT anti-immigration and totally don't blame the woman that ended up using my identity). And before that, the same boyfriend hid peanuts in my food though he knew I was (and am) allergic. Bad run with men.
That said, it's been a few years, and though the scars of a bad relationship never heal, it's time to move on. I want to see other guys. I wanted to get away from LA and came here. If you want to show me around Brooklyn and hang out and show me some good places to eat, I'm totally up for it. HOWEVER, I ask for the following:
1) A recent picture
2) TWO references (including your mother and/or father if possible)
3) Official transcripts from your college or university (which you can get me later, but no later than second date)
4) A list of food allergies
5) A complete itinerary of our first date, including addresses of where we'll be going
6) Work history for the last five years
I am only willing to travel during the day AND on public transportation. If you have a car, leave it at home. Also, if you have weapons of any kind (mace, pepper spray, handgun, etc), you must be willing to either leave them with my doorman during our date or leave them at home. If we go to a movie, the movie can be no longer than 90 minutes (restless leg syndrome). If you do show me some of the local places to eat, please make sure ahead of time that they have vegetarian dishes made WITHOUT peanuts (most other nuts are acceptable).
I look forward to hearing from you!
Starting Fresh in New York
I just moved here from Los Angeles and am trying to start fresh. I'm new to New York, and would love to meet a guy to take me around and show me what this place has to offer (but with certain conditions which you'll find out about later).
Up front, I'll tell you I've had it pretty rough recently. I haven't dated in a while because the last date I went on ended pretty badly. My exboyfriend and I got lost and we ended up in a bad part of LA off of the 105 (Watts if you know where that is). It was nighttime and he said he needed to fill up the car so we exited the freeway (though I told him not to). He pulled off onto a side street, got out of the car (and took the keys with him), and jumped into another waiting car and took off. These guys from the area (gang people) came and were supposed to kill me and hide my body under the Santa Monica pier(my boyfriend paid them to do it), but we just ended up driving around all night and they took me home. We broke up a couple months later, and since then I've had major trust issues with guys.
Before that, another guy I was dating (not really a boyfriend) stole my identity and sold it to undocumented workers (though let me say up front that I am NOT anti-immigration and totally don't blame the woman that ended up using my identity). And before that, the same boyfriend hid peanuts in my food though he knew I was (and am) allergic. Bad run with men.
That said, it's been a few years, and though the scars of a bad relationship never heal, it's time to move on. I want to see other guys. I wanted to get away from LA and came here. If you want to show me around Brooklyn and hang out and show me some good places to eat, I'm totally up for it. HOWEVER, I ask for the following:
1) A recent picture
2) TWO references (including your mother and/or father if possible)
3) Official transcripts from your college or university (which you can get me later, but no later than second date)
4) A list of food allergies
5) A complete itinerary of our first date, including addresses of where we'll be going
6) Work history for the last five years
I am only willing to travel during the day AND on public transportation. If you have a car, leave it at home. Also, if you have weapons of any kind (mace, pepper spray, handgun, etc), you must be willing to either leave them with my doorman during our date or leave them at home. If we go to a movie, the movie can be no longer than 90 minutes (restless leg syndrome). If you do show me some of the local places to eat, please make sure ahead of time that they have vegetarian dishes made WITHOUT peanuts (most other nuts are acceptable).
I look forward to hearing from you!
Monday, April 9, 2007
Responses: Mary Magdalene Was Here and She Took It All Off
The responses to the religiously-themed adult entertainment business owner are here. Nobody reads these things anymore, so that's fine. I don't need readers. I write this for me. And if you DO stumble across this and are reading this, you get an added bonus: at the end of this post, I'll give you a killer recipe to prepare the most amazing steak ever.
Again, these are only the responses worth reading...
And by the way, why is everyone a goddamn screenwriter?!
1
Devout Aheist 2. First Date We will make Porno Movie featuring Teenage Cub-scout's in Staring Role. I would make you Come with my Right Hand, You would be Squealing in Ecstasy. You get out Your Paddle and Whip that Cub-scout into Submission. As He Beg's for Mercy, you Slide in you're Black 8" Strap on. He is Face down in Blue Cub-scout Cap as You Fuck him Hard for the Camera
2
Devout Atheist in Van Nuy's. You're Biz Crack's me up!!!! Happily Divorced Music Pirate with 4'000 song's
3
Boy I bet Your inbox has just exploded!!!!!
So I am sure you don't need to read an essay here.
Tell You what, If you don't throw up, when you open
the attached picture (No don't worry it's clean) then
drop me a quick mail back and I will tell you about
the unspeakable thing I did in the Vatican!!! ;-)
Oh and BTW I have a doctorate in theology
(Seriously!!!)
Oh and BTBTW One has just to love the idea of the
dancing Mary Magdalene act :-)
Oh and BTBTBTW First Date...... Hmmm we could write
a new religion for the American market. It only has to
be vaugly self consistant and should involve a lot of
giving ;-)
Hope to hear from you soon (If one of us doesn't get
stuck down first ;-) )
Regards M.
(Who just happens to look like a cross between Gary
Oldman and Satan). Have I overplayed this whole
Religion thing????? ;-) Nah.
4
let's like, I don't know maybe meet each other t in a
public place, sit across from one another and without
letting anyone around us know, we look into each
others eyes and talk-- I mean-- hold on--here's the
crazy part-- we actually speak honestly from the heart
and actually show one another--and maybe any voyuers-
who we truely are--no fake fronts, bullshit games,
scamming angles-- just two people seeing if they can
simply connect--
too crazy??
5 (bizarro follow-up email to the one above)
This is my 2nd e-mail, no I'm not a pyscho stalker...
I first responded with the let’s do something crazy
and talk … but then I got to thinking, since you
divulged so much, you deserve to know more why I feel
we’d be good for one another.
You see, I get you; I am you. I’ve always been a
dreamer but then become a doer! After my brief pro
football career ended in being bedridden for 6 months
with temporary paralysis, I traveled Europe before
successfully owning and operating my own State Farm
Insurance agency. Needing a new challenge, I studied
acting at a top conservatory and began performing
plays locally in the Midwest. Wanting more, I then
began coaching basketball at a Division three college.
You see in high school I was a two-sport jock who
also excelled in basketball. Yes, I’m tall-6’5. And
I get how people rush to judgment. I was always seen
as the big dumb jock and was expected to act as
such--the big beer drinking, wild partying, womanizer
homophobic who gets in bar fights. When really, I’m a
sensitive brilliant almost gifted genius capable of
affectionate love and intimacy. Secretly writing
poetry, feeling like no one gets me and having to keep
moving to avoid falling into the growing void deep in
my soul.
I’ve always lived life outside the box, outside
society standards, and on my own terms. I graduated
college with Dean list honors but must confess I
cheated my way through. I began working at age 10 and
have financially supported myself ever since buying my
first car and driving illegally at age 15. I’ve loved
and lost. Or should I say I love and be burned.
Beginning with my first love getting pregnant behind
my back by a teammate, and last ending catching my
fiancé’ in bed with another man. She set it up.
Apparently she was sexually molested as a child and
couldn’t handle being loved- blah blah blah. I tried
getting her help, but people eventually have to help
themselves.
So I did, I sold my agency, pack up the truck and
headed to Beverly-that was a Beverly Hills
reference-hey you made a full house one! I moved to
Van Nuys, sight unseen and began my acting career- I
booked my first audition- a national commercial and
have worked steadily ever since.
Of course that’s wasn’t enough, so I began writing. I
wrote a script that people liked so I tried producing,
staring and directing. I shot a quarter of it on 35
mm with some pretty successful people but couldn’t
find distribution or raise the rest of the money
because I was a no name- so it’s now in the hands of
my agent trying to peddle it. So now I keep busy by
finishing my novel—about breaking false society and
parental conditionings in the search of unconditional
love and acceptance of self and others so we can find
intimacy. You see, I think we all just want to love
and be loved—but nobody knows how!
I no longer drink, do drugs or play games. I'm very
spiritual. I try to eat healthy, and workout
everyday. I enjoy feeling good. Being happy. No
chaos or drama. So if you want to connect with
someone-emotionally-someone who actually gets it- who
may understand you more than you understand
yourself-like how you just want to feel special and
important -- who may get how you just want to be held,
and wish at least one person will always have your
back and never let you down! --Someone who you can
trust to be honest and never play you. Who can accept
you and all your neurotic flaws--and not want to judge
or control or possess you but still treat you with
respect while still being able to have unbelievable
nasty sex and make love at times? Let me know.
6
Hello,
Sitting home on a quiet Saturday night with a glass of wine and a book and unable to focus, I found myself on Craigslist reading your post. Religiously themed adult enteraintment -- well, that definitely fills a much needed niche in American society and I'm impressed that you've been able to make a nice career by finding something unique to do.
I also feel it's important to keep work and fun separate and I enjoy leaving my work at the door. I also feel like I've accomplished alot in 25 years (a masters degree, a great career, incredible friends) and yes, I am real as per your post. Something witty to prove this? Well, I'm probably about the only person you know who went all the way to Pamplona, Spain for the Running of the Bullls...and got kicked out.
I don't want to drone on forever, but I hope you'd be interested in chatting a bit. If not, best of luck to you.
Take care,
B
7
Hello. I’m loads of fun. I have no reason to shave my palms, nor do I have any Elephant Man-like features. Oh, I also smell nice and know how to eat with utensils.
More about me:
Caucasian
6’0, 180 (I’m in excellent shape.)
Blue eyes, dark brown hair
Age: 34
Irish-Italian
High school English teacher
Two master’s degrees (journalism and education)
Interests: music, reading, writing, exercise, sports, and trying new things. (I know the last part sounds cliché, but it’s true.)
Originally from Chicago
I hope to hear from you soon. –D
8
You sound very interesting. A degree in Theology, I'm sure you could
teach me a few things. Mary Magdalene in a g-string? Wow, would like
to see that. Anyways, I'm 37, swm, very good shape and younger than I
seem. I'm in the TV/music biz and love what I do, but also need to
blow off steam. Also work on some radio on the side, to that we have
in common, oh yeah, I also dress up in G-strings on the weekends (just
kidding). Love to hear music of all kinds, especially jazz, blues &
Rock. I work in Van Nuys, so I'm probably right around the corner. In
fact I'm here right now, so hit me back! We'll go to some local dive
bar!
9
Hello. My name is T**** and I am ten years older than you. I'm also a half Black half Italian who grew up between Montreal and Brooklyn. I'm 6ft 190lbs and I don't care how you look unless you have an extra limb or something. That wouldn't rule you out but it might take me a while to get used to you. I am a former boxer who is now a writer. I write short scripts for money. It is my goal to write novels. I'm now in the process of forming a production co with a friend. I also work part time as a phone psychic. It helps me pay the bills. I don't smoke or drink. I also write and sometimes perform music and I sometimes do stand up comedy to work out dialogue for my scripts. I'm usually quiet but not the least bit shy. Have an interest in history, theology, music, science, and hopefully you. I'm looking for one person who is also looking for one person. And if I ever work for you I'd have to play Jebus...Jesus younger jealous brother. If you'd like to talk mail me your number or call me. 8** *** **** Bye for now.
10
OK, I must say you at least sound very intriguing to me to say the least. I am a 31 SWM that has been in the SFV for a couple of months. I finished my Masters in Computer Science and moved here for a job..
What would we do on a "first date". Well, I honestly am sure we could fill several hours talking so I think some place where we could do that comfortably would be ideal. I think walking around an amusement park would fulfill that need. The thrill of maybe plunging to our deaths if a rollercoaster falls off its track while discussing the finer points of life.
Anyways your sense of humor has to be killer.....
Good luck!
W
11
Wow, what a posting. You I want to meet. I am a doctor here in LA. I am afraid we would not go anywhere distracting on the first date because I want to talk to you. Jesus in a G-string? Jesus. I got a poem I wrote aabout televangelists. Here you go:
To err is human, to forgive devine
speaks the one with flowing robes
and as you kneel and pray he steals you blind
in the name of the holy ghost
he'll deliver you all from the gates of hell
each one of you young and old
and as he smiles in his benevolence
the light glints off the gold
when evil dons the guise of faith
and love is used for gain
then satan need choose his hottest place
for one so calloused to feel the pain
12
hello, yes I have jokes - I also dont care what you have or dont do ...
Im VGL euro-cuban mix, tall, tan, and well good-looking ... bored I just
broke up with two girls their jealousness drove me insane!!!
I live in Brentwood would love to meet and get to know ya.
K
13
Hi there, I think you should get dressed casual and get in your car and come over to meet a stranger who will be a gentleman and treat you very nice, just like an old friend. You will sit and talk and eat something we order to be delivered. Have a drink or beer or toke and relax and talk about where we would both like a first date. You have to meet someone before you go out. I'm in Van Nuys and a little older than you but loved your post and wanted to say hello. If you would like I will send photo. Have fun!!! B.
14
I have to write you first of all because "Jesus in a G String" is
awesome...wow what a concept.
If we were to have a "date" ...
Perhaps some piano playing / lesson fun
Tacos or Sushi
Some kind of Nature hike
Conversations of The Bliss of Now and the Potential of the Future
Hope you find a cool hang
Peace Love and Harmony
A.
And those are the responses. I hope you are ready for...
The Steak Recipe
As promised, here's how you make a killer steak. Go buy yourself a cast iron pan (cheap--about $7 at Walmart). Heat that bastard up on your stove at the highest heat your range can manage. Crank your oven up to 550 degrees and wait a few minutes. Salt and pepper each side of your steak. NOW, take some sesame oil and put it in the pan. Chuck your steak in. Wait 30 seconds. FLIP. Wait another 30 seconds. FLIP. Throw the pan in the oven for 2 minutes. FLIP. Wait two minutes. Pull the steak out and let the juices drain off the meat. Serve. There you go: a perfect steak in less than 10 minutes. You can thank me later.
Again, these are only the responses worth reading...
And by the way, why is everyone a goddamn screenwriter?!
1
Devout Aheist 2. First Date We will make Porno Movie featuring Teenage Cub-scout's in Staring Role. I would make you Come with my Right Hand, You would be Squealing in Ecstasy. You get out Your Paddle and Whip that Cub-scout into Submission. As He Beg's for Mercy, you Slide in you're Black 8" Strap on. He is Face down in Blue Cub-scout Cap as You Fuck him Hard for the Camera
2
Devout Atheist in Van Nuy's. You're Biz Crack's me up!!!! Happily Divorced Music Pirate with 4'000 song's
3
Boy I bet Your inbox has just exploded!!!!!
So I am sure you don't need to read an essay here.
Tell You what, If you don't throw up, when you open
the attached picture (No don't worry it's clean) then
drop me a quick mail back and I will tell you about
the unspeakable thing I did in the Vatican!!! ;-)
Oh and BTW I have a doctorate in theology
(Seriously!!!)
Oh and BTBTW One has just to love the idea of the
dancing Mary Magdalene act :-)
Oh and BTBTBTW First Date...... Hmmm we could write
a new religion for the American market. It only has to
be vaugly self consistant and should involve a lot of
giving ;-)
Hope to hear from you soon (If one of us doesn't get
stuck down first ;-) )
Regards M.
(Who just happens to look like a cross between Gary
Oldman and Satan). Have I overplayed this whole
Religion thing????? ;-) Nah.
4
let's like, I don't know maybe meet each other t in a
public place, sit across from one another and without
letting anyone around us know, we look into each
others eyes and talk-- I mean-- hold on--here's the
crazy part-- we actually speak honestly from the heart
and actually show one another--and maybe any voyuers-
who we truely are--no fake fronts, bullshit games,
scamming angles-- just two people seeing if they can
simply connect--
too crazy??
5 (bizarro follow-up email to the one above)
This is my 2nd e-mail, no I'm not a pyscho stalker...
I first responded with the let’s do something crazy
and talk … but then I got to thinking, since you
divulged so much, you deserve to know more why I feel
we’d be good for one another.
You see, I get you; I am you. I’ve always been a
dreamer but then become a doer! After my brief pro
football career ended in being bedridden for 6 months
with temporary paralysis, I traveled Europe before
successfully owning and operating my own State Farm
Insurance agency. Needing a new challenge, I studied
acting at a top conservatory and began performing
plays locally in the Midwest. Wanting more, I then
began coaching basketball at a Division three college.
You see in high school I was a two-sport jock who
also excelled in basketball. Yes, I’m tall-6’5. And
I get how people rush to judgment. I was always seen
as the big dumb jock and was expected to act as
such--the big beer drinking, wild partying, womanizer
homophobic who gets in bar fights. When really, I’m a
sensitive brilliant almost gifted genius capable of
affectionate love and intimacy. Secretly writing
poetry, feeling like no one gets me and having to keep
moving to avoid falling into the growing void deep in
my soul.
I’ve always lived life outside the box, outside
society standards, and on my own terms. I graduated
college with Dean list honors but must confess I
cheated my way through. I began working at age 10 and
have financially supported myself ever since buying my
first car and driving illegally at age 15. I’ve loved
and lost. Or should I say I love and be burned.
Beginning with my first love getting pregnant behind
my back by a teammate, and last ending catching my
fiancé’ in bed with another man. She set it up.
Apparently she was sexually molested as a child and
couldn’t handle being loved- blah blah blah. I tried
getting her help, but people eventually have to help
themselves.
So I did, I sold my agency, pack up the truck and
headed to Beverly-that was a Beverly Hills
reference-hey you made a full house one! I moved to
Van Nuys, sight unseen and began my acting career- I
booked my first audition- a national commercial and
have worked steadily ever since.
Of course that’s wasn’t enough, so I began writing. I
wrote a script that people liked so I tried producing,
staring and directing. I shot a quarter of it on 35
mm with some pretty successful people but couldn’t
find distribution or raise the rest of the money
because I was a no name- so it’s now in the hands of
my agent trying to peddle it. So now I keep busy by
finishing my novel—about breaking false society and
parental conditionings in the search of unconditional
love and acceptance of self and others so we can find
intimacy. You see, I think we all just want to love
and be loved—but nobody knows how!
I no longer drink, do drugs or play games. I'm very
spiritual. I try to eat healthy, and workout
everyday. I enjoy feeling good. Being happy. No
chaos or drama. So if you want to connect with
someone-emotionally-someone who actually gets it- who
may understand you more than you understand
yourself-like how you just want to feel special and
important -- who may get how you just want to be held,
and wish at least one person will always have your
back and never let you down! --Someone who you can
trust to be honest and never play you. Who can accept
you and all your neurotic flaws--and not want to judge
or control or possess you but still treat you with
respect while still being able to have unbelievable
nasty sex and make love at times? Let me know.
6
Hello,
Sitting home on a quiet Saturday night with a glass of wine and a book and unable to focus, I found myself on Craigslist reading your post. Religiously themed adult enteraintment -- well, that definitely fills a much needed niche in American society and I'm impressed that you've been able to make a nice career by finding something unique to do.
I also feel it's important to keep work and fun separate and I enjoy leaving my work at the door. I also feel like I've accomplished alot in 25 years (a masters degree, a great career, incredible friends) and yes, I am real as per your post. Something witty to prove this? Well, I'm probably about the only person you know who went all the way to Pamplona, Spain for the Running of the Bullls...and got kicked out.
I don't want to drone on forever, but I hope you'd be interested in chatting a bit. If not, best of luck to you.
Take care,
B
7
Hello. I’m loads of fun. I have no reason to shave my palms, nor do I have any Elephant Man-like features. Oh, I also smell nice and know how to eat with utensils.
More about me:
Caucasian
6’0, 180 (I’m in excellent shape.)
Blue eyes, dark brown hair
Age: 34
Irish-Italian
High school English teacher
Two master’s degrees (journalism and education)
Interests: music, reading, writing, exercise, sports, and trying new things. (I know the last part sounds cliché, but it’s true.)
Originally from Chicago
I hope to hear from you soon. –D
8
You sound very interesting. A degree in Theology, I'm sure you could
teach me a few things. Mary Magdalene in a g-string? Wow, would like
to see that. Anyways, I'm 37, swm, very good shape and younger than I
seem. I'm in the TV/music biz and love what I do, but also need to
blow off steam. Also work on some radio on the side, to that we have
in common, oh yeah, I also dress up in G-strings on the weekends (just
kidding). Love to hear music of all kinds, especially jazz, blues &
Rock. I work in Van Nuys, so I'm probably right around the corner. In
fact I'm here right now, so hit me back! We'll go to some local dive
bar!
9
Hello. My name is T**** and I am ten years older than you. I'm also a half Black half Italian who grew up between Montreal and Brooklyn. I'm 6ft 190lbs and I don't care how you look unless you have an extra limb or something. That wouldn't rule you out but it might take me a while to get used to you. I am a former boxer who is now a writer. I write short scripts for money. It is my goal to write novels. I'm now in the process of forming a production co with a friend. I also work part time as a phone psychic. It helps me pay the bills. I don't smoke or drink. I also write and sometimes perform music and I sometimes do stand up comedy to work out dialogue for my scripts. I'm usually quiet but not the least bit shy. Have an interest in history, theology, music, science, and hopefully you. I'm looking for one person who is also looking for one person. And if I ever work for you I'd have to play Jebus...Jesus younger jealous brother. If you'd like to talk mail me your number or call me. 8** *** **** Bye for now.
10
OK, I must say you at least sound very intriguing to me to say the least. I am a 31 SWM that has been in the SFV for a couple of months. I finished my Masters in Computer Science and moved here for a job..
What would we do on a "first date". Well, I honestly am sure we could fill several hours talking so I think some place where we could do that comfortably would be ideal. I think walking around an amusement park would fulfill that need. The thrill of maybe plunging to our deaths if a rollercoaster falls off its track while discussing the finer points of life.
Anyways your sense of humor has to be killer.....
Good luck!
W
11
Wow, what a posting. You I want to meet. I am a doctor here in LA. I am afraid we would not go anywhere distracting on the first date because I want to talk to you. Jesus in a G-string? Jesus. I got a poem I wrote aabout televangelists. Here you go:
To err is human, to forgive devine
speaks the one with flowing robes
and as you kneel and pray he steals you blind
in the name of the holy ghost
he'll deliver you all from the gates of hell
each one of you young and old
and as he smiles in his benevolence
the light glints off the gold
when evil dons the guise of faith
and love is used for gain
then satan need choose his hottest place
for one so calloused to feel the pain
12
hello, yes I have jokes - I also dont care what you have or dont do ...
Im VGL euro-cuban mix, tall, tan, and well good-looking ... bored I just
broke up with two girls their jealousness drove me insane!!!
I live in Brentwood would love to meet and get to know ya.
K
13
Hi there, I think you should get dressed casual and get in your car and come over to meet a stranger who will be a gentleman and treat you very nice, just like an old friend. You will sit and talk and eat something we order to be delivered. Have a drink or beer or toke and relax and talk about where we would both like a first date. You have to meet someone before you go out. I'm in Van Nuys and a little older than you but loved your post and wanted to say hello. If you would like I will send photo. Have fun!!! B.
14
I have to write you first of all because "Jesus in a G String" is
awesome...wow what a concept.
If we were to have a "date" ...
Perhaps some piano playing / lesson fun
Tacos or Sushi
Some kind of Nature hike
Conversations of The Bliss of Now and the Potential of the Future
Hope you find a cool hang
Peace Love and Harmony
A.
And those are the responses. I hope you are ready for...
The Steak Recipe
As promised, here's how you make a killer steak. Go buy yourself a cast iron pan (cheap--about $7 at Walmart). Heat that bastard up on your stove at the highest heat your range can manage. Crank your oven up to 550 degrees and wait a few minutes. Salt and pepper each side of your steak. NOW, take some sesame oil and put it in the pan. Chuck your steak in. Wait 30 seconds. FLIP. Wait another 30 seconds. FLIP. Throw the pan in the oven for 2 minutes. FLIP. Wait two minutes. Pull the steak out and let the juices drain off the meat. Serve. There you go: a perfect steak in less than 10 minutes. You can thank me later.
Saturday, April 7, 2007
CL Ad: Religiously-Themed Stripper Wants a Man
http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/w4m/307936535.html
Big Heart and a Love For Life? - 28
I'm looking for a man who has a big heart and can see the true beauty inside a girl.
I'm a really busy woman. I own my own business and have done so for a couple of years. I'm constantly working and am proud of the business's groth. We supply religiously themed adult enteraintment to bachelor and bachelorette parties thoughout the Valley (Jesus Christ in a G-String is our best known service, but I have a wide range of performers and capabilities). Some guys are kind of creeped out when they learn I dress up like Mary Magdalene and dance, but I have to keep active in the business for it to thrive (and it's not that dirty, since I end each session with a sermon or quick psalm from the bible). I think a lot of guys are intimidated by successful women, so you must be accepting of what I do for a living.
I keep my personal life separate from my work, though, and I hope you do too. Though I'm busy, sometimes I just like to come home, flop down, and watch an old episode of Full House. The weekends are mine (except on Sunday mornings, I host a religiously themed call-in show on AM radio in Palm Springs (as I have a degree in theology)). I feel I've done a lot before even hitting 28, and expect the same drive and determination in the men in my life. If you just go to some job you hate every day and have no dreams or aspirations, maybe you can find a like-minded girl--but I'm not that girl.
I am not religious anymore (those days left me in college when I learned the real nuts and bolts of faith), but will respect your values and faith. The minute you try forcing them on me is the day you're on Craigslist looking for another girl to hang out with.
I don't care what you look like, but send me something witty and interesting to let me know you're real. Tell me why you think we should go out, and what you think a good first date would be. Anybody could walk on the beach or go to movie. What would WE do?
Big Heart and a Love For Life? - 28
I'm looking for a man who has a big heart and can see the true beauty inside a girl.
I'm a really busy woman. I own my own business and have done so for a couple of years. I'm constantly working and am proud of the business's groth. We supply religiously themed adult enteraintment to bachelor and bachelorette parties thoughout the Valley (Jesus Christ in a G-String is our best known service, but I have a wide range of performers and capabilities). Some guys are kind of creeped out when they learn I dress up like Mary Magdalene and dance, but I have to keep active in the business for it to thrive (and it's not that dirty, since I end each session with a sermon or quick psalm from the bible). I think a lot of guys are intimidated by successful women, so you must be accepting of what I do for a living.
I keep my personal life separate from my work, though, and I hope you do too. Though I'm busy, sometimes I just like to come home, flop down, and watch an old episode of Full House. The weekends are mine (except on Sunday mornings, I host a religiously themed call-in show on AM radio in Palm Springs (as I have a degree in theology)). I feel I've done a lot before even hitting 28, and expect the same drive and determination in the men in my life. If you just go to some job you hate every day and have no dreams or aspirations, maybe you can find a like-minded girl--but I'm not that girl.
I am not religious anymore (those days left me in college when I learned the real nuts and bolts of faith), but will respect your values and faith. The minute you try forcing them on me is the day you're on Craigslist looking for another girl to hang out with.
I don't care what you look like, but send me something witty and interesting to let me know you're real. Tell me why you think we should go out, and what you think a good first date would be. Anybody could walk on the beach or go to movie. What would WE do?
Responses: Some Fish For Your Chips
We had a few good responses on that one. In the interests of making this more readable (though my readership has dropped down to around 0 and 1 (including me)), I'll be posting only the few responses actually worth reading--rather than 30 or 40.
1
5'7''
asian
accountant
str8
"options should be amortized, not expensed you idiot!!!"
That's what I wanted to tell my boss when she told me the awesomeness and correctness of black scholes (a fleeting valuation model at best)
2
Hi :)
I liked the sincerity in your ad.
Things about me you'd like... I floss, I love
animals (especially dogs), I'm 32 and 5'11" tall.
Things about me that would make you think I'm
nuts... I'm a hot headed Italian, I hate slow drivers
who turn without signaling, I play bass guitar.
Things about me you'd report to the police... I ride
a sportbike with my dog (who's name is Tortellini by
the way). See attached photo.
If you're interested, hit me up. I'm wearing a
helmet and protective gear, so you can hit hard. lol.
just kidding.
-M
(Includes simultaneously funny and bizarro picture of man with his dog (a fruity poodle) strapped in one of those back-pack baby carriers. His arm is around a woman--a prostitute, perhaps?)
3
Chips,
I like it...
Im 36 korean, 5'10", fit, surf, bike, golf, ect....want kids soon as well...what would be there genetic make up if we did have kids? I could see what you mean about the bean counting (joke), there is a certain zen about the numbers....Im not an accountant, but did take a few classes in school that I enjoyed....
I thought T-accounts were fun....(you prob dont consider T-accts as accounting, hh)
S
4
well you sound like an amazing person and id be more than happy to help you out in the fatheringof your children but as far as being a father and raising the child/children im not sure im ready for that yet, id help financially if needed however and id be there for him part time just not as a husband or full time parent. about me my name i jason im a manager at a dennys, i live with a room mate in a nice place. i went through calculus ab in highschool yet failed 4 consecutive years of english and had to do summer school for all of them. i went to community college for 2 years slept all the way through and somehow graduated 9i think i tossed the degree because it was a wasted 2 years and pointless) i am 6'0 so i have no problem with larger women im muscular, jewish and extremley well endowed for a white male. i cant cook for the life of me but i have no problem doin the dishes, im a huge movie buff and love t.v. i also enjoy reading things like ludlow and clancy. ive enclosed an old pic of me frrom when i was 21 i look the same now just no facial hair. please send a pic of you back and any questions you may have.
5
Whats a liberal conservative??
6
I am 42, have a CPA license and am shorter than you (5' 9"). I was a bail bondsman for ten years, and have transferred my interest in crime to forensic accounting (I know nothing about SOX, never having done an audit in my life. You can lecture to me on that topic).
I surf, read, exercise, travel, and own two cats.
If interested correspond.
Andy
7
Hey there. I'm just curious, but why, at 27, are you so intent on having
children so soon. You're so young - only 27! So many things to do and
places to go before being tethered by the reality of children and
parenthood. Now, I understand that the meaning of life is the perpetuation
of one's species, but c'mon...what's in it for you if you don't delay that
just a bit...?
You probably won't dignify this with an answer, which is fine, but my
curiosity prompted me to write it anyway - obviously. :)
- J
8
Hey there! *winks*
Name's Travis. Don't know if you got my first message
(my computer messes up sometimes...*laughs*)
I checked you out (er, your posting...*grins*) on
craigslist. I see you are definitely a girl with a
love for life (and a sense of humor)...so figured I'd
shoot you a note and let's get to know each other...
Here's a fun question to get started:
which do you prefer?
fork? or spoon?
*sly grin*
Take care, talk with you soon.
-T
9
It sounds to me like your a complete nut and a looser. You should get a life.
10
Your comment on Sarbanes-Oxley caught my eye. I
really enjoy economics and more so am pretty addicted
to the stock market. I'm busy watching the subprime
market implode and waiting to see the Alt-A mortgage
market goes next with all the no document lones people
lied about. I actually made a decent amount of money
on shorting New Century before they filed bankruptcy
today. I've thought of going back to get a degree in
finance just because I'd like to be able to pull apart
the financials of companies better. Anyway I'm not
saying this to try and impress you. Honestly I don't
really think we'd be a match. Not because you don't
sound great but because I don't think I'm interested
in having kids right now or possibly at all. I would
be interested in talking shop as you put it.
Especially if ties to companies and the market. I
think our economy is going to get interesting pretty
soon with the slow down on the housing market. It's
possible we could both profit if we have some decent
ideas to bounce off of each other.
Take care,
T**
11
Hey super COOL gurl...or should i rather say Chippy :D. Thats cute! Anyways...im 32 young professional..architect. Just thought to say hi..you seem like a person worthy getting to know more :). Hope to hear from you soon.
xoxo
kevin
12
"I got a degree in engineering history" Well, i gots to say you are crazy. Why don't you go to a lab and make a child. You don't have any marketable securities to show anyone in the post i read.
I wish you the best of luck.
13
There's a difference between a criminal record and
warrants: having a record is not against the law. Go
back to being a lesbian, moron.
1
5'7''
asian
accountant
str8
"options should be amortized, not expensed you idiot!!!"
That's what I wanted to tell my boss when she told me the awesomeness and correctness of black scholes (a fleeting valuation model at best)
2
Hi :)
I liked the sincerity in your ad.
Things about me you'd like... I floss, I love
animals (especially dogs), I'm 32 and 5'11" tall.
Things about me that would make you think I'm
nuts... I'm a hot headed Italian, I hate slow drivers
who turn without signaling, I play bass guitar.
Things about me you'd report to the police... I ride
a sportbike with my dog (who's name is Tortellini by
the way). See attached photo.
If you're interested, hit me up. I'm wearing a
helmet and protective gear, so you can hit hard. lol.
just kidding.
-M
(Includes simultaneously funny and bizarro picture of man with his dog (a fruity poodle) strapped in one of those back-pack baby carriers. His arm is around a woman--a prostitute, perhaps?)
3
Chips,
I like it...
Im 36 korean, 5'10", fit, surf, bike, golf, ect....want kids soon as well...what would be there genetic make up if we did have kids? I could see what you mean about the bean counting (joke), there is a certain zen about the numbers....Im not an accountant, but did take a few classes in school that I enjoyed....
I thought T-accounts were fun....(you prob dont consider T-accts as accounting, hh)
S
4
well you sound like an amazing person and id be more than happy to help you out in the fatheringof your children but as far as being a father and raising the child/children im not sure im ready for that yet, id help financially if needed however and id be there for him part time just not as a husband or full time parent. about me my name i jason im a manager at a dennys, i live with a room mate in a nice place. i went through calculus ab in highschool yet failed 4 consecutive years of english and had to do summer school for all of them. i went to community college for 2 years slept all the way through and somehow graduated 9i think i tossed the degree because it was a wasted 2 years and pointless) i am 6'0 so i have no problem with larger women im muscular, jewish and extremley well endowed for a white male. i cant cook for the life of me but i have no problem doin the dishes, im a huge movie buff and love t.v. i also enjoy reading things like ludlow and clancy. ive enclosed an old pic of me frrom when i was 21 i look the same now just no facial hair. please send a pic of you back and any questions you may have.
5
Whats a liberal conservative??
6
I am 42, have a CPA license and am shorter than you (5' 9"). I was a bail bondsman for ten years, and have transferred my interest in crime to forensic accounting (I know nothing about SOX, never having done an audit in my life. You can lecture to me on that topic).
I surf, read, exercise, travel, and own two cats.
If interested correspond.
Andy
7
Hey there. I'm just curious, but why, at 27, are you so intent on having
children so soon. You're so young - only 27! So many things to do and
places to go before being tethered by the reality of children and
parenthood. Now, I understand that the meaning of life is the perpetuation
of one's species, but c'mon...what's in it for you if you don't delay that
just a bit...?
You probably won't dignify this with an answer, which is fine, but my
curiosity prompted me to write it anyway - obviously. :)
- J
8
Hey there! *winks*
Name's Travis. Don't know if you got my first message
(my computer messes up sometimes...*laughs*)
I checked you out (er, your posting...*grins*) on
craigslist. I see you are definitely a girl with a
love for life (and a sense of humor)...so figured I'd
shoot you a note and let's get to know each other...
Here's a fun question to get started:
which do you prefer?
fork? or spoon?
*sly grin*
Take care, talk with you soon.
-T
9
It sounds to me like your a complete nut and a looser. You should get a life.
10
Your comment on Sarbanes-Oxley caught my eye. I
really enjoy economics and more so am pretty addicted
to the stock market. I'm busy watching the subprime
market implode and waiting to see the Alt-A mortgage
market goes next with all the no document lones people
lied about. I actually made a decent amount of money
on shorting New Century before they filed bankruptcy
today. I've thought of going back to get a degree in
finance just because I'd like to be able to pull apart
the financials of companies better. Anyway I'm not
saying this to try and impress you. Honestly I don't
really think we'd be a match. Not because you don't
sound great but because I don't think I'm interested
in having kids right now or possibly at all. I would
be interested in talking shop as you put it.
Especially if ties to companies and the market. I
think our economy is going to get interesting pretty
soon with the slow down on the housing market. It's
possible we could both profit if we have some decent
ideas to bounce off of each other.
Take care,
T**
11
Hey super COOL gurl...or should i rather say Chippy :D. Thats cute! Anyways...im 32 young professional..architect. Just thought to say hi..you seem like a person worthy getting to know more :). Hope to hear from you soon.
xoxo
kevin
12
"I got a degree in engineering history" Well, i gots to say you are crazy. Why don't you go to a lab and make a child. You don't have any marketable securities to show anyone in the post i read.
I wish you the best of luck.
13
There's a difference between a criminal record and
warrants: having a record is not against the law. Go
back to being a lesbian, moron.
CL Ad: I'll cook for you and we'll have fun together!
A simple ad from just a generally strange woman.
My friends call me Chips because I love the show Chips and I love to eat chips. I know that sounds strange, but the nickname stuck.
I'm looking for a boyfriend. You must like big women (I'm 6'1", but not fat--just pretty tall for most men). I dated a guy who claimed he didn't have a criminal record but he did. You can't have a criminal record or I WILL turn you in (don't test me or you can ask my ex). You must like kids. I don't have any, but would really like to have some soon. Even if we don't work out, I'm thinking I'll probably still want kids (please be prepared to share results of any blood work you've have done recently just in case we do work out). College educated guys ONLY, please. Accountants preferred. I also will be more attracted to you if you have more dainty features than rugged looks (Leonardo Di Capro rather than Sean Connery).
Most of my friends think I'm pretty nice. I thought I was a lesbian up until about 4 years ago when I realized I wasn't (this happens to a lot of women believe it or not). I think it was because I knew a lot of cool lesbians and I thought I was one. Anyway, I don't define myself by my sexuality (though I probably was the more alpha role in my previous relationships with other women).
I like a lot of things, but especially cooking and baking (I make homemade apple turnovers a lot so be ready). I got a degree in engineering history at New Mexico Tech but have a day job as an accountant (went back and got another degree in accounting from CSU San Bernardino). If you like talking shop, I do too; I actually find accounting to be a passion of mine (don't get me started on Sarbanes-Oxley). I write a regular column in an accounting newsletter called Holding the Flag (mostly geared towards white and anti-immigration professionals, though I'm more of a liberal conservative and am open to dating all races (though I prefer you to be white or Asian)).
As a final note, please understand there is a bit of a time constraint. If we don't work out within three weeks, I'm going to have to move on to another guy until I can find a father for my children. Please don't take this lightly, as children are not something to joke about.
My friends call me Chips because I love the show Chips and I love to eat chips. I know that sounds strange, but the nickname stuck.
I'm looking for a boyfriend. You must like big women (I'm 6'1", but not fat--just pretty tall for most men). I dated a guy who claimed he didn't have a criminal record but he did. You can't have a criminal record or I WILL turn you in (don't test me or you can ask my ex). You must like kids. I don't have any, but would really like to have some soon. Even if we don't work out, I'm thinking I'll probably still want kids (please be prepared to share results of any blood work you've have done recently just in case we do work out). College educated guys ONLY, please. Accountants preferred. I also will be more attracted to you if you have more dainty features than rugged looks (Leonardo Di Capro rather than Sean Connery).
Most of my friends think I'm pretty nice. I thought I was a lesbian up until about 4 years ago when I realized I wasn't (this happens to a lot of women believe it or not). I think it was because I knew a lot of cool lesbians and I thought I was one. Anyway, I don't define myself by my sexuality (though I probably was the more alpha role in my previous relationships with other women).
I like a lot of things, but especially cooking and baking (I make homemade apple turnovers a lot so be ready). I got a degree in engineering history at New Mexico Tech but have a day job as an accountant (went back and got another degree in accounting from CSU San Bernardino). If you like talking shop, I do too; I actually find accounting to be a passion of mine (don't get me started on Sarbanes-Oxley). I write a regular column in an accounting newsletter called Holding the Flag (mostly geared towards white and anti-immigration professionals, though I'm more of a liberal conservative and am open to dating all races (though I prefer you to be white or Asian)).
As a final note, please understand there is a bit of a time constraint. If we don't work out within three weeks, I'm going to have to move on to another guy until I can find a father for my children. Please don't take this lightly, as children are not something to joke about.
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