CL Ad: LA to New York

This is one of the crown jewels in my fraudulent personal ad crown. It was strange, and got many even stranger responses. This has inspired me in many ways. I am hoping to write another one for our New York friends any day now.

Starting Fresh in New York
I just moved here from Los Angeles and am trying to start fresh. I'm new to New York, and would love to meet a guy to take me around and show me what this place has to offer (but with certain conditions which you'll find out about later).

Up front, I'll tell you I've had it pretty rough recently. I haven't dated in a while because the last date I went on ended pretty badly. My exboyfriend and I got lost and we ended up in a bad part of LA off of the 105 (Watts if you know where that is). It was nighttime and he said he needed to fill up the car so we exited the freeway (though I told him not to). He pulled off onto a side street, got out of the car (and took the keys with him), and jumped into another waiting car and took off. These guys from the area (gang people) came and were supposed to kill me and hide my body under the Santa Monica pier(my boyfriend paid them to do it), but we just ended up driving around all night and they took me home. We broke up a couple months later, and since then I've had major trust issues with guys.

Before that, another guy I was dating (not really a boyfriend) stole my identity and sold it to undocumented workers (though let me say up front that I am NOT anti-immigration and totally don't blame the woman that ended up using my identity). And before that, the same boyfriend hid peanuts in my food though he knew I was (and am) allergic. Bad run with men.

That said, it's been a few years, and though the scars of a bad relationship never heal, it's time to move on. I want to see other guys. I wanted to get away from LA and came here. If you want to show me around Brooklyn and hang out and show me some good places to eat, I'm totally up for it. HOWEVER, I ask for the following:
1) A recent picture
2) TWO references (including your mother and/or father if possible)
3) Official transcripts from your college or university (which you can get me later, but no later than second date)
4) A list of food allergies
5) A complete itinerary of our first date, including addresses of where we'll be going
6) Work history for the last five years

I am only willing to travel during the day AND on public transportation. If you have a car, leave it at home. Also, if you have weapons of any kind (mace, pepper spray, handgun, etc), you must be willing to either leave them with my doorman during our date or leave them at home. If we go to a movie, the movie can be no longer than 90 minutes (restless leg syndrome). If you do show me some of the local places to eat, please make sure ahead of time that they have vegetarian dishes made WITHOUT peanuts (most other nuts are acceptable).

I look forward to hearing from you!