CL Ad: Messed on Painkillers! Let's Go Out! (Houston)

I really am on muscle relaxers, too. I'm a bit fucked up. And when's the best time to do anything? That's right; when you're fucked up. I like driving when the package specifically says, "Do not drive and/or use heavy machinery."

What does this mean? To not drive AND use heavy machinery means you're NOT doing both. I am NOT driving AND using heavy machinery. To not drive OR use heavy machinery seems to imply that you can do one, but not the other. Since I am not operating an earthmover, I can drive my car at an excessive rate of speed. Can I pass that car by driving UNDER it? Conversely, does anybody have a tractor I can borrow?

Don't get your panties in an uproar over the responses to the Phoenix ad. I'll have those up over the next couple of days. It got flagged and removed, but not before getting 70 responses.

But let's get back to the new ad. I got fucked up on these muscle relaxers and wrote this new ad. Let's fuck with our Houston friends (Ha! Friends!). I hate the place. It's hot. It's humid. Bunch of redneck shitkicking hicks. And believe it or not, these are the finer qualities...

Messed up on Painkillers! Let's go out! - Houston (27)

I'm on muscle relaxers because I pulled something while moving my stuff. I'm looking for a new boyfriend. We'll start off hanging out, and hopefully move up to the grown up stuff. Basically, if you respond to this ad, you're saying you're willing to show up to my apartment in Sugarland this Saturday and help move all my stuff onto a truck and out to my new place in Galveston. Also, you have a truck (or easy access to one). You'll meet the others that might respond to this ad, and I'll decide who the best ones are to keep hanging out with.

I'm looking for a guy who is really nice and honest. If I'm not wearing enough makeup, you'll maybe tell me, "Hey, perhaps you should put on some blush," or "That eyeliner doesn't do it." If you tell me I look like a 2 dollar whore (his words, not mine--which is why it's over between us), then that might cause some problems. You enjoy jigsaw puzzles, knitting, and gardening (as my new place will have a garden, and I'll need some help with it). You have no troubles lifting 100 pounds repeatedly. And as I said before, you drive a truck. You went to college (Ivy League preferable, 3.2 GPA required). Also, you know how to treat a lady. I don't care about race, as long as you're not Asian, Spanish, or African-American (not that I have any issues with these Peoples). And jigsaw puzzles are really important, since I did them competitively as a kid (timed competitions).

About Me:
I went to college at Sandusky State College in Ohio and got my 4 year degree in communications. I've been a partner in a company (with my now ex-boyfriend) since just after graduation. We make "novelty products" (a label required by the FDA) called Babymaker Condoms. They're like regular condoms, but each have been removed and repackaged with a small hole. The hole is pretty obvious, but business growth has been slow. WE think it's pretty funny. I love comedy, and try to hit comedy clubs and watch a lot of funny movies. I tried some stand-up, but that's some really hard stuff (WARNING: people really do heckle if you don't come prepared).

Email me your favorite joke and we'll talk.

CL Ad: Getting Over Heartbreak in Phoenix

That's right, friends. We've moved from the biggest state in the continental United States to the fucking hottest city. Let me tell you about hot. Hot is 110 degrees outside--at MIDNIGHT. Hot is where you can't go for a jog outside while it's light outside or there's a 99% chance you'll get a heat stroke.

By now, you know I'm talking about Phoenix. You want a textbook example of urban sprawl? You want to know what hell probably feels like? You want to see some serious cacti? I still think Phoenix is a beautiful city. It really makes Los Angeles look like...well, Los Angeles.

So without further ado, here's the ad I put on the Phoenix Craigslist. You can see it below, too. Understand, too, that the various grammatical mistakes were done purposely for effect.

Getting Over Heartbreak By Starting Something New - 27
I just moved to Phoenix a couple months ago and I'm looking to meet new people. I just got out of a relationship. I moved to Phoenix to be with my husband, but since we weren't technically married, it didn't really work. He claimed I was a stalker, but I left him--so who's obsessed with who now, Paul? I hope you're reading this. And if you're not, that's totally fine (THOUGH I KNOW YOU ARE!!!). He was really more obsessed with me.

Who am I looking for? Just a laid back guy. I'm looking for a guy that will try anything, eat any kind of food, and be up for almost anything. I don't know Phoenix that well, but if you're the kind of guy that would want to take me to the botanical garden in the morning and then hit the outlets in Anthem in the afternoon. You lean to the left politically, because the left are a bunch of weenies that want the terrorists to take over our country and call it the United States of Iraq.

I'm a simple country girl. I tell people that even though I grew up in Los Angeles (haha). I'm a Cali girl. I work for a nonprofit that provides driving instruction for the seeing impaired (Fun Fact: the laws are tougher for blind drivers, but they can basically drive in the state of Arizona as long as there is a seeing person in the car over the age of 14 (this isn't allowed in CA; the seeing person has to be over 18)). I do some of the driving instruction and the accounting (just quickbooks stuff). I feel the Cosmos holds a better future for me, though. This is just temporary.

I have a lot of hobbies. Paul and I used to run together, and I like cooking, reading, and photography. Maybe you'll like those too. Paul doesn't, but Paul is a jerk. I hope you are not a jerk and know how to treat a girl like a queen. THAT"S RIGHT YOUR A JERK PAUL! I also have a sweet little poodle named Fungus. She's in the attached picture.

I can't wait to hear from you. Use your best pick-up line or I won't even respond (because if it's really good, I'll know you thought it out).

RESPONSES (VOL 4): Austin CL Ad for Vegetarian Rat Pelt Peddler

This is it. This is the last installation of responses to the Craigslist ad. I'll be somewhat sad to leave our Texas friends. Somewhat. I wonder where we'll go next with this.

34
Well hi there. 6'2" here . Last woman i was with had to move and said I was the best lover she has ever been with. Do you yahoo IM at all? a**** if you do. I think its easier then here. Would be nice to talk to you here some and then maybe we meet for lunch one day or have a picnic. I am a bit of a wild lover and also am a giver the same as you. That can be very hotttttt for both of us. Well hope to hear back from you now. Take care and Bye.

P****

35
this is the strangest ad i have ever read. are u ok?

36
lets get married, i cant send you pic on this so email me and i will ,im just a country boy but have visibale tattoos, my future would include you , hunting , and a double wide email me if interested
*(I'm sure this is any girl's ideal future. For some reason, it makes me think of Andrew Dice Clay's nursery rhymes. "There was an old lady that lived in a shoe...Had so many kids, her uterus fell out." Of course, there's also my favorite (which has nothing to do with this: "Hickory dickory dock. Some chick was sucking my cock. The clock struck 2, I dropped my goo, I dumped the bitch on the next block.")

37
I love the outdoors, in fact I live in a tent. I drink box wine from Costco and I love flatulent women. Your feet are pretty. I wish I had feet. People say I have social tics…

38
hey, interesting post.
your buisness sounds unique.
what is grauhgt's syndrome ?
can't find anything on the web about it.
thanks.

39
How do I get into the pelts for dolls thing sounds really interesting and does PETA give ya any problems....

H****
PS I am to old for you anyway but sure enjoyed your profile write up

40
Hey nice feet

41
Call it kismet, karma or kooky, but in your words I saw a person who just might understand me. I too own my own business and must confess to being a quite ambitious chap. I have a line of bunny slippers that I make out of real bunnies and have recently diversified into animal husbandry with a lemming farm. I just love the disposable little creatures and mainly sell into the Eskimo market where they enjoy watching the little guys’ jump off glaciers. You could also be a big help because they seem to thrive on the combinded sounds of Beethoven music and flatulence.

And thank you for informing me of the proposed Austin name change. I mean, as if changing the name from Waterloo to Austin wasn’t bad enough; now BellSouth. I’ll be sure to phone in my objection and can only imagine Napoleon Bonaparte turning over in his grave. Not to dilute you cause du jour, but have you heard that there is also a proposal to put real lemon in powdered lemonade and fake lemon in furniture polish? Will they never stop?

As for what houses all this ambitious and creative gray matter, it is a 6’4”, athletic frame of the SWM variety. I know that I’m way taller than you’re looking for, but just think of it as dating two 3’2” in guys. To further add color, I have my mom's eyes and my dad’s legs. Of course they're not very happy about it, as mom's now blind and dad is permanently in a wheel chair.

If any of the above interests you, then you must be agreeable to subjecting yourself to a little test I call the SWAT (sex and wine aptitude test.) Albert Einstein invented the SWAT just after he perfected his theory of relativity. It is a little known fact that this very test is the real reason that Einstein had to flee Germany and was the cause of his now famous hairdo. I have found it to be a very good indicator of athleticism, flexibility, stamina and focus (especially when the wine kicks in). This test is a lot of fun (especially the oral exam) and can get a little messy. The clean up, however, can be half the fun. . However, don’t try this test without a certified instructor, as there is a fine line between ending up with the hair of Venus or that of Einstein

And thus ends our sojourn to Austin, but it's time to take out the butt plug and head on home to LA. We'll stop in Pflugerville on the way back for some real barbeque, but we need to hurry and get back to the silicone and sunless tanning.

RESPONSES (VOL 3): Austin CL Ad for Vegetarian Rat Pelt Peddler

I only have time to post a couple of posts. So be it.

31
Hi, can you tell me more about the following in your CL ad?

"One of the issues I'm working with is to fight against the drive to change the name of the city of Austin to the City of Bellsouth (which hasn't reached the Texas legislature yet, but you should write your state rep and tell him to keep Austin as Austin). I only found out about it because I stopped in to see my state rep in his office. But this is just one of several issues I'm concerned about."

How do you take a rat and make a coat out of it, yikes!! but interesting.

Here I stand without hope or agenda.....No promises, not let downs. No expectations, no disappointment..

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no ones definition of your life. Define yourself.

32
NOTE: I have not copied and repasted the ad. The guy added his commentary to my add. Isn't that nice?
Why just have good times when we can amp it up to phenomenal and leave everyone in our dust?

Let's turn a friendship into the relationship we're both looking for. (CHECK!) I want a guy who knows how to treat a girl right--who knows how to be a man and isn't a wimp. If things work, maybe we could be married by April (how spontaneous are you?). (CHECK!)

ABOUT ME:
I'm 27 (36 going on 37) and I live in Round Rock (Georgetown). I went to Stephen F. Austin (US Navy Special Forces, ACC yay!) for my degree in agribusiness (common sense), and have been running my own business since graduation (past 12+ years) Basically, I hunt (bonus points!) small rodents and make tiny fur coats for dolls out of their pelts to sell on eBay (my list of business ventures is a little longer and I'll hold off until we actually have a conversation). I've been doing this for about 5 years now and really LOVE my work (though it sounds kind of weird at first). Business is good especially since we've started targeting the Chinese market. If you ask about my business, I'll probably not stop talking about it so be careful!

I also do a lot of activist work (CHECK!). One of the issues I'm working with is to fight against the drive to change the name of the city of Austin to the City of Bellsouth (promote debt and tax elimination public policy) (which hasn't reached the Texas legislature yet, but you should write your state rep and tell him to keep Austin as Austin) (this applies to all forms of public debt financing as well as all forms of taxation and includes the local, state and federal levels of government). I only found out about it because I stopped in to see my state rep in his office. But this is just one of several issues I'm concerned about. (CHECK!)

ABOUT YOU:
You're Texan through and through. (Does this exclude my short tenures in Colorado and while in the military? WAIVER requested.) If you wear boots (do hiking boots count) and drive a pick-up (CHECK!), maybe (???) you're the kind of guy I'm looking for. You know how to two-step (not yet), but don't mind a vegetarian menu (CHECK!)(as I am a vegetarian) (can you say macrobiotics?). I'm not specific on looks, but please be between 5' 2" and 5' 5" (damn, and I was doing so good...5'9) (as I myself am quite short). Please be either white (CHECK!) or latino (but one of those latinos where I can tell my parents you're white and they'll believe me) (I hear that)

Most of my activities I do outdoors, so consider this when coming up with a good first date (CHECK!). An open-air concert, a walk, fishing, the zoo? (Got it covered) Up front, I'll tell you I have Grauhgt's Syndrome, which causes a small amount of flatulence, which is beyond my control (that's okay cause I like beans so anywhere we go you can just blame it all on me). Though I take medication to reduce the amount of flatulence, you may find it an issue. (TBD) I feel comfortable explaining this here because we're strangers until we meet, and right now you have no idea who I am.

Please shoot me an email telling me about yourself and plans for the future.

Where to start? Besides all the things covered above my life story has proven interesting to those who bothered to ask. I'm kind of a private guy so I don't share much just blatantly without provocation. However, it's safe to say I will more than open up if someone is actually interested.

Before I go rambling onto my ego trip through humanity I have a warning for you. It's my conclusion that I must scare the ladies much more often than not. Based on the physical evidence I've collected, from previous experience, the women that show an interest in me are not the type of women I am interested in. The ones I suspect I would be interested in are the ones that keep staring at me but that's all I will say on that subject.

Let me go over some basics.

I don't care how hot she is physically speaking: if she uses tobacco, drinks heavily, does any drugs, has emotional issues which impair rational behavior exceeding the norms of a healthy relationship, if she has an obvious disdain for her body and her general health and if she's not a Christian without reservation then I am going to pass on her, again, no matter how sexually attractive she is.

I do have a other things I'm looking for but we won't get to those until I am reasonably certain "she" qualifies to continue past the first round. I'm certain this sounds like I'm a real hardcase and if that's an assumption that someone jumps to without peeling the onion then so be it. I'm ready, willing and able to commit to much more than most people bargain for but I'm not so desperate that I'll do that with just anyone that comes along.

Without going into the trivial things about myself this should give you a clue about the nature of my character. As for plans for the future mine include continuing down the path I'm currently traveling in business and politics, finding a wonderful relationship with someone very special, marriage, building that dream house I have plans for and raising a bunch of kids. If you want to find out more you know what to do.

33
hi, i saw your post and would love to meet with you. I'm a
single, attractive, fun, laid back, hispanic male in Austin area.
I'm 30yrs old, 5'8", 160lbs, blk hair, brwn eyes, in shape,
DDF, repeat performer, love oral, and would love to meet with you,
if you're interested.

Mark
*(I HATE FUCKING PENIS PICTURES!!! Fucking pervert Mark sent pictures of his tallywanger, which I totally did not want to see. I know I promised never to release personal information (ie. names), but I totally don't want to see penises, no matter how teensy-weensy they are. FUCK YOU, MARK!)

On that note, I end tonight's installment. I think I'll go puke now.

RESPONSES (VOL 2): Austin CL Ad for Vegetarian Rat Pelt Peddler

I really enjoy the ads from our friends in Texas. Endless entertainment. Let's continue with Voume 2, shall we?

13
I can send you a pic. you won't be disappointed. I also have 2 Harley's and a Boat for fun. Drop me a line.
*(Unfortunately, no penis, though.)

14
im e****, and im 18, currently in school i want to start my own electrical company around the age of 26, im 5'8 ,140 i know you said you wanted someone at max 5'5 but i think shorter women are breathtakingly beautiful.oh by the way i am latino, and i dont have an accent, i have a deep voice that a lot of girls have told me they liked, i do drive a truck its a 01 chevy silverado, shes beautiful, lol. i have a pair of boots i bought in missouri but they just sit in my closet, well, if your interested message me back so we can exchange pics or something

15
i didn't read you message but you have nice sandals. my plans for the future include wearing boots and trying not to step into the cactus on the ranch

16
Wanted to say hi to you! and you also have nice feet? can't believe i said that but oh well you really do i don't fit your description cause i am taller you just sound like a really fun person me? just a plain ol country boy live south of austin about 2 hrs single guy that likes to go fishin and yes i can dance am a little bit older than you but like having fun! too much to tell got a great job always enjoy talking to a nice person nothing wrong with that right! my name is T**** email is k****@sbcglobal.net

17
Graughgt's syndrome causes flatulence? No wonder you like being outdoors, hopefully downwind.. Sorry, couldn't resist...

18
Hi nice ad! I love your toes. 25/m/Austin college educated and work for Tx***. Currently studying massage therapy. I am very spontaneous and know how to treat a girl right. I love to have fun and also be romantic. I am mexican also. For a first date, i would love to do something fun and maybe a little crazy. Something i have never been to or sone before. Here are some pics. Write me back. :) bye

19
look for "winning you over... Is that you?" on the M4W and tell me what you think. let me know if you want to know more.

Do you have a pic besides your beautiful feet? I'd like to know/see more.

Thanks

20
You are either really funny, or incredibly weird... Unless you are rich,
then you are eccentric. Eccentric is better. Not because of the money, but
because of the incredibly high level of tolerance that everyone affords you,
because of the money. If nothing else, that all to itself is funny.
Incredibly weird is also entertaining, for a similar reason, except instead
of tolerance, it's all about the reactions of the "normal" people as you tan
and cut animal pelts. I can only imagine the look on your face as your
intense focus is honed in on the proper stitch pattern required to allow
fluid movement at the sleeve. If you ever organize a rally to to protest for
one of your causes, you should definitely bring your sewing gear.

I don't know what to say about the Graught's, except that I hear there is a
lot of promising research... I hope one of these days, they find a cure...

F****

21
Hi there, how's it going. I'm J***, 25, from Austin. I'm 6 feet, blonde hair, blue eyes. I ran across your post on craigslist and got the feeling that you were a really cool person. It's really hard to find quality people these days, so you definitely seem like someone I should get to know. I'm an all around good guy, so I think I'm just what you are looking for! I have ambition, a job, a car, a house, and my act together.

I went to the University of Texas, and graduated from there with a degree in Psychology. I plan on going back to grad school to work on my Ph D in the near future. Tell me some more about you. What kind of work do you do? What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?

I responded to your ad because you seemed so sincere and honest. I find that very refreshing!

I'm new to this site, so if there's anything you want to ask me or want to know, please do ask. I've attached a picture of myself to this email for you. Hope to hear back from you soon. I really did like your post....you seem like a cool person!

Talk to you soon,
*(Sincere and refreshing, dude. That's me.)

22
Are you effin serious? Your profile made me laugh my ass off.

23 (long fucking email)
Saw your add on Craigs List and just thought I would drop you a line.

I'm C***. I am 24 and I am fairly new to Austin. I moved here a few months ago in the late summer when I ran out of money in my last Semester of my junior year of college at Sam Houston State where I was working on my bachelors degree in History.

Im 5'7 or 5'7 give or take a half an inch, 220 lbs. I am a very laid back person, this is a result of working 40+ hours a week at work. Im just looking for someone to spend my extra time with instead of burning my days off around my house doing absolutley nothing. I have a place with a roommate in South Austin and I drive back and forth to work in downtown.

I work for AT&T as a field technician. Yeah go figure history degree and working for a telecomm company...Its crazy never thought I would wind up doing that. I was in the army for 6 years before getting out in March of 2006. I spent time on active duty and in the guard.

Im not from Austin, I hate the city. I am a country boy/redneck/cowboy or whatever other stuff you want to call me. I dont mind it though..I am who I am, and Im looking for someone that can deal with that and work through all my quirky things and have a long, meaningful relationship with. I grew up in deep east Texas along the Trinity River in a town with about ummm 500 people in it? I love to fish and I think a bad day fishin is better than a good day at work.

I think I am fairly easy to get along with. Im attracted to smart, cute, laid back women. I dont like playing the games that come with dating so I am kind of looking for someone that wont do those types of things and I can be the man in her life and support her and let her know that I need her just as bad as she needs me. Im old fashioned, in todays society and independence of women, I dont know if most women want someone like that, but I also dont want someone that cant do anything for herself. She should have a job, car, and her own money. Ill buy you stuff and spoil you within my means but I cant afford to fork out money left and right for various things and pay your bills.

Well I think Ive gone on long enough if you want to talk I would look forward to it. You can reach me via email, yahoo, or AIM!:)

Yahoo: *******
AIM: *******

PS: Thats an older picture and the best one Ive got.

Thanks for givin me a bit of your time.

C***

*(You just don't get emails like this in response to LA Craigslist Ads. There's something just so Texas about this ad.)

24
hey there... hows it going gorgeous? :)

25
Subject Line: you are ridiculously full of shit!
I like your style. Maybe not.
I chop down trees for a living, one by one. Hand axes seems sooooo much more personal than a chainsaw. You can actually hear the tree whimper and cry as you drive the blade in.
As for the ladies, I'm all about the amazons. I'm 5'7" and totally deadset on exploring my Napolean Complex. Tall girls make me feel verrrrry uneasy and that's right where I like to be. As long as I'm in charge, you and I will see eye to eye.
The outdoors are cool with me too. I hike, jog and like to mow. I'm a modern day Daniel Boone. Just last week I "got my nature on" while fastwalking at Zilker. I'm crazy like that.
Vegetarian, huh? That's cool, I like veggies too.
As for the gas thing....woow...what to say...I googled that and ended up with Gehrigs disease. Holy crap. Baseball will jack you up.
Cheers,
_j

26
your post was just what I needed...a good laugh. If you are telling the truth then I admire your honesty (and sorry for laughing) and if your lying... then I admire your creativity

27
You have found your self a match. I love the outdoors and I also make money on ebay by exploiting the environment. IM 26 and was born in Austin graduated from Texas State with a natural resource management degree, now I work in ****. IM 6 foot even however and I drive a ****, hope that's cool. I don't normally look for relationships through the Internet but I cant sleep tonight and read your posting. check out my myspace http://www.myspace.com/j****

28
Hats off to you. This is the funniest fucking post I've seen in Austin W4M probably ever. I'm nominating it for a 'best of'.

29
There is nothing about you to like.... right?

You have championed the dumbest idea I have ever heard of,... bellsouth!

you fart a lot, you like short guy's and you hunt rats???
Really??

Vegetarian to boot? I can take the constant farting but never a vegetableterrier.... see?

I think you are very creative and funny.

Thanks

30
Hi, just a quick note to let you know I love your profile~ great!!! I may be a bit older than you are looking for... Take care and good luck! yeah sfa!!!!

And thus ends tonight's installment. I'm working on the next ads. I feel the responses to this ad are pretty good.

Any requests for the next ad? Which city should we visit next with our ad? Albuquerque? Flint, Michigan? St. Louis? Berkeley? Any special requests?

RESPONSES (VOL 1): Austin CL Ad for Vegetarian Rat Pelt Peddler

I love Texans. Well, not all of them, and not all the time. I decided it was time to take this project on the road, so we started with Austin. Of course, I wasn't thinking and put that the person in the ad was from Houston. But whatever.

Austin, my friends, did not disappoint. What we have is gold. Take a gander. There's quite a few responses, so I'll post up a few at a time.

1
I love you

2
Subject Line: Farts are funny

but seriously.. I am 29, 5/6". blak hair, hazel eyes, and drive a pick-up truck for now.. am working on a 1968 galaxy 500 convertible... .. work on odd jobs and such.. have some stuff i am dealing with right now.. shouel be one or two months before I get it cleared up... no kids.. .. i had no idea they are trying to change Austin's name.. they gave away out toll roads and lotterty and now our name... damn.. well ciao for now..

3
Subject Line: This is the funniest ad I have ever read :)

Good job. :)

J****

4
I find your ad one of the funniest ads i've ever read. Seriously, thats hilarious..doesn't even seem real. You really make small fur coats out of little rodents you kill? AND you're vegetarian? wow..one of life's unexpected surprises i guess. The flatulence is cool, i've been vegetarian for 11 years and as a result of where i have to get my protein i have a similar issue.
I just got finished working with Clean Water Action because of the Coal Plants --there was that huge protest at the capital a couple of sundays ago did you go? Rick Perry is trying to fast track 19 new coal plants into texas and the reprocussions are very bad so a lot of us are banding together to stop that.
My future? It is a magnola leaf on the jet stream. I'm white, 24 y/o 5'9 musician, thinker, someone who's fun to hang out with but maybe a little too crazy to get to know honestly..i think too much and am way out there because i think that everything we do has an effect on the world around us, so we should be conscious and less unware. For most people thats too much, obliviousness beckons and they give in..even myself sometimes

t****

5
hi im j******. well 1st off WOW ur like so so so perfect!!! anyways umm well i rly dont know what to say lol. umm well i got pics at http://austin.craigslist.org/m4w/xxxxxxx.html if ur still interested and wanna check em out. umm anything else u wanna know bout me please feel free to ask. well i hope to hear from u soon. thanks!

xoxoxoxoxoxo

j*****

6
why Bellsouth? why if they changed Austin would they change it to that? Please explain this. What is the signifigance of bellsouth?

Also I'm white 31, 5'4 cowboy truck driver type.


7
wow, I had to read your craigs post 2 or 3 times, then pinch myself just to be sure I wasn't dreaming...wow...did I say wow? I am an avid doll collector, and none of them have rodent pelt coats..and now I know that is just wrong..so, even if we don't click as a couple, perhaps you can help outfit my little babies (and, yes, I am a masculine guy who wears cowboy boots, just because I have this collection doesn't make me less of a man).

I am white, but just a tad on the dark side, so you would be safe telling your parents that I am white, latino, spanish, or greek (although I only speak english, I do enjoy "french" and "greek", if you know what I mean :-) ))

The zoo on a first date?! I would have done that anyway, I love the zoo! Especially the Austin zoo, because it is filled with rescue animals, and I think that is just so cool...plus, it's a great motorcycle ride out to the zoo, and I do have a really cool bike (if you like that sort of thing)....and, no worries about the flatulence thing, my sense of smell isn't that great anyway (but my hearing is, so just be silent, if you can)

wow...if this did work for us, would you be agreeable to moving the wedding date up to March? why wait for April when March is almost here.....

until next time, my precious

8
Hello... I'm a 33 single male from Austin, Texas. I like to do a lot of things fun. Like to go to movies, lake, hang out downtown and other stuff. I'm also a very very passionate person also. Email me at TX****@aol.com for more info if you want to know more about me.... Take Care... S***..

*(Includes the following pic. Usually, I don't post pics to keep the responders anonymous, but I also have a sacred obligation to the people that take their time to look at this drek.)


9
Come on now. You hunt small rodents and make fur coats for dolls. Pretty good. I have to admit. Your not going to believe this, but I to hunt small rodents and make fur coats out thier pelts. I thought I had the market cornered, but I guess not. All this rodent killing, but your a vegetarian. So, you have no problem killing animals, just eating them. Right? Last, but not least, youhave a disease that makes you pass a lot of gas. Well, I must say. That makes you the poster child every man wants to take home to meet the parents. BTW, my dads a State Rep. and he is totally against the name change. He's all about getting rid of the Hippies instead. Get your State Rep. to get with my dad and see what they can hash out. Hit me back up. Nice feet.

10
I am a hunter so I love your job. I may not wear boots to school or work but i
have them if I need them. Im damn sure country enough because I love off
roading, hunting, cars, trucks and all that good stuff plus my moms a vegetarian
so I know a little about how to handle you. I love the fact that your short
because I am too. Im 5.6 .
heres some pics send me yours if you like them

11
excellent! not among the I'm bored crowd; thanks!

12
Subject Line: From the Friends and Amigos of Rodents in Texas

Hi,

I don't think the payoff on the joke I was going for with the made up organization
in my subject line is good enough to spend the first two or three paragraphs to get
to the punch line. You can figure out what the acronym is without a big buildup.

I'll get right to the point.

I have an extra ticket to the Jim Gaffigan show at the Paramount tomorrow (I'm taking
some of my friends to see him) and I am looking for someone with a wild hair (or pelt)
to go fill the seat and have a drink or two after the show.

I am going with two really good female friends, if we talk I'll tell you the interesting story
behind that. I know you'll enjoy them, everyone does. With me? You never know.
You are the one I got the urge to email so could be kismet, may never work.

Luckily, I think the comic will do most of the talking so we won't have too many uncomfortable
silences. I think it might be the only blind date where you are guaranteed to have some great
laughs. The seats are prime, fourth row back I think.

I am attaching a picture, see if you are interested. I am an older than average student, getting
my degree in RTF at UT and TPT FDC NFL QPQ and all that too.

I think we should talk a little and see if each is interested in going further. I'm not Brad Pitt but
I have good genes, a substantial IQ and I never have to use spell check. I have lived in Cancun,
been in a cage with a five hundred pound Bengal Tiger that was only partly trained, been bitten
by a leopard in that same week. I once tipped a gendarme in Paris to let me and my (former)
fiancée into the room at the top of the Eiffel tower for some semi-discreet fun.

Also, I am so white, your parents might have to wear sunglasses (believe me, I know about the
parents thing, my sister just mentioned dating a guy of color once and my mother nearly lost
her mind). But seriously, I've got a decent tan, better now than in the picture.

Lot's more to tell but I don't want to spoil it, if you are interested and have free long distance,
call me on my internet phone, 513-***-****
If you don't have free long distance, call my cell 512-***-**** and we'll see what happens
(I give you both because the net phone is cheaper than the cell and even though I'm not cheap,
I REALLY hate giving all my money to phone companies).

F***
*(Who the fuck is Jim Gaffigan?)

All right, so that's Volume 1 of the Texas responses. I'll have Volume 2 up really soon. Keep checking.

CL Ad: Good Time Outdoors? (on Austin, TX Craigslist)

Let's turn a friendship into the relationship we're both looking for. I want a guy who knows how to treat a girl right--who knows how to be a man and isn't a wimp. If things work, maybe we could be married by April (how spontaneous are you?).

ABOUT ME:
I'm 27 and I live in Round Rock. I went to Stephen F. Austin for my degree in agribusiness, and have been running my own business since graduation. Basically, I hunt small rodents and make tiny fur coats for dolls out of their pelts to sell on eBay. I've been doing this for about 5 years now and really LOVE my work (though it sounds kind of weird at first). Business is good especially since we've started targeting the Chinese market. If you ask about my business, I'll probably not stop talking about it so be careful!

I also do a lot of activist work. One of the issues I'm working with is to fight against the drive to change the name of the city of Austin to the City of Bellsouth (which hasn't reached the Texas legislature yet, but you should write your state rep and tell him to keep Austin as Austin). I only found out about it because I stopped in to see my state rep in his office. But this is just one of several issues I'm concerned about.

ABOUT YOU:
You're Texan through and through. If you wear boots and drive a pick-up, maybe you're the kind of guy I'm looking for. You know how to two-step, but don't mind a vegetarian menu (as I am a vegetarian). I'm not specific on looks, but please be between 5' 2" and 5' 5" (as I myself am quite short). Please be either white or latino (but one of those latinos where I can tell my parents you're white and they'll believe me).

Most of my activities I do outdoors, so consider this when coming up with a good first date. An open-air concert, a walk, fishing, the zoo? Up front, I'll tell you I have Grauhgt's Syndrome, which causes a small amount of flatulence, which is beyond my control. Though I take medication to reduce the amount of flatulence, you may find it an issue. I feel comfortable explaining this here because we're strangers until we meet, and right now you have no idea who I am.

Please shoot me an email telling me about yourself and plans for the future.

RESPONSES: Chastity Belt-Wearing Maritime Lawyer

Welcome to the latest responses. Good stuff. Apparently maritime lawyers and/or those obsessed with 14th-16th century England are in high demand. Keep THAT in mind when you're in a bar looking for a little action. You could open conversations with...

"These Goddamn chastity belts get so rusty. It needs lubricating...Anyone?"

or

"I think botulism is SO cool."

Or just use your imagination.

1
Hello,

This is always the hard part for me. I never know
what to say, and when to stop writing. First I am
single and have no children. I enjoy being with
people and have lots of friends, I enjoy my life but
would like to find that special someone to spend time
with. I am a teacher and have time to travel and
would love to find someone to travel with. I like
doing things outdoors (running, hiking, and biking).
I like going to the movie and out to dinner. I enjoy
cooking, but not for myself. I live a healthy
lifestyle, and workout almost everyday that is unless
it is to hot. I have been in LA for about 6 years.

I know I don’t know you, but I would like to. Please
tell me more about yourself.

What do you like to do for fun?
What are you looking for?
What ever you would like to tell me?

Ask me what ever you would like, and I will be true
and honest with you.

Take Care

R****

2
So I see you on CL looking for a White Knight.

My first thought was "Shit! KKK made it onto CL"

3
I am 43 years old, Russian n Italian and Spaniard, 6'3 pursuing a career in writing / screen writing. Don't worry, I still have my day job were I do earn well over sixty-thousand a year.

Writing has always been my passion and I have decided to go for it, but in a financially safe manner, lol.

I was a professional photographer back in the mid-90's, I covered the Hollywood scene and done private portfolio shoots for model's, actors and others. I still do some photography now and then, but I mostly shoot outdoors, scenic stuff.

I will soon be starting production on my very first independent film, I wrote the screenplay and I will also direct the film myself. I plan on taking it all the way to Sundance and the Latino Film Festival.

I am moving on my own, getting a long awaited divorce and finally moving forward to accomplish everything I have put on hold.

I am looking for friendship and possibly more with a woman that is also into the entertainment scene, your an actress, writer or just love the Hollywood scene and you are interested in sharing the experiences that lie ahead.

If your interested in starting a beautiful friendship with a truthful and passionate man, send me your pic and I will send you my picture back.

PS.......... No games, no drama, please be real and serious.

4
Hi I am Mark

Your ad attracted my attention as I realize we may have a lot in common.

I am fit sporty with a new approach. 195 lbs 5-11 clean healthy metaphysical

Meditation yoga adventure naturism Weekend getaways

Singing guitars karaoke funny no smoker 48 self-employed grayish eyeglasses.
*(I only post this because I recognize it as a response to the other ad for the post-op.)

5
You are a beautiful thought, a thing too apart to hold in the hand, and a song
in my dreaming."

Dear maiden, would you allow me the honor of making your acquaintance?
My name is K****, I am 43 & probably not of a knightly caliber but I do make a
good friend. I have always been intrigued by all things medieval & would like to
learn more. If you would like to know more let me know, I would be happy to send
a couple of pics (nothing obscene i promise)

6
What a great post, M'Lady. =) I played D&D in school, and think it would be great to have a friend who's seriously into swords and sorcery. I'm white, 40, educated, and would love to hear from you.

S****

7
Hey M'Lady, I am Ashton. I liked your post a lot. Not
easy to find a medieval woman these days. I am 23,
6`0, good looking (pictures of my face attached),
funny, loyal, compassionate and a straight shooter. I
live in Los Angeles. I have a stable job and a
car(Mercedes). I work out, play basketball and rugby.
I like going out to watch live sports and music.

Hoping to hear from you,

A***
*(Includes two self-taken pictures. This is the second ad of mine he has responded to.)

8
This reminds me of a Summer stock theatrical production of "Fonzie Does Shakespeare!"

Renaissance and Middle Ages are years apart... But I digress.

Chastity belts are OK, but they sort of get in the way of personal hygiene.

However, if you are a lawyer representing empty shipping containers, you'll do just fine.

9
Dearest Lady Knight,
I'm a member of the Barleycorn Country Dancers, and I'm not looking for a date.
what I am looking for is a trebuchet. would you happen to know where one can be
found in the LA area???? For money, I work on movies, and a film project that
I'm connected with needs either a trebuchet or a catapult.

Thank you,
K****
*(Includes picture of schmuck with ugly, tacky tattoo on arm. He is also a repeat responder to my ads.)

10
My dear Lady,

I pray this letter finds you in the best of health and cheer. For I would truly be distressed to find you otherwise. I am known to some as Xenos, to others as Tyrus Barstok, and yet to others as Darius Penhaligon. My lineage is quite diverse and have found it necessary to change not only my name but my history from village to village.

I shall keep this brief, you can find me at the following:

www.myspace.com/x*****

I await your response.

11
so with your medical problem,does that mean butt fucking is out of the question?..because i've got this new blueberry flavored anal lube i wanna try out on someone

12
Hey
38.
Look like 33.
Single, never married, no kids, no skeletons...

I'm guessing your ad is too weird to be spam.
So I'm interested!
And I never go to concerts.

Like to chat with a fantasy writer?
I'm pretty up on my medieval history, and wrote much of my first novel
in William Morris style medieval prose. Actually had some authentic ME
dialogue in there too.
My agent, however, made me turn it back into modern language so he
could understand it, which is what I'm doing right now.

Maybe my picture is too ugly though.
So I'll just keep writing and go to salsa class in a few hours and
chat with the ladies there who know nothing about history or
Marguerite of Anjou.

13
hmm...

Your post actually prompted me to write, but I'm not a white knight, and I wouldn't ever want you to settle, but have you considered a Samurai?

(not japanese, just asian ancestry).

And I liked your post...

attached is a training partner, the next photo will be one of me. fair?
*(Includes picture of what looks like a coat rack. What a tool.)

14
HI,
I AM EUROPEAN STUDENT OF MEDICINE, HISTORY AND PHILOSOPHY... I LOVE MEDIEVAL FICTION LITERATURE BUT UNFORTUNATELY ENGLISH BELEATRISM DOESN'T HAVE MANY EPIC HEROES UNTIL TOLKIEN... OTHERWISE I THINK MIDDLE AGES ARE A BIG BLACK HOLE IN EVOLUTION OF WESTERN HOMO SAPIENS CAUSE FROM COLLAPSE OF ROMAN EMPIRE TO RENAISSANCE NOTHING HAPPENS... THE ONLY PROGRESS IS BROUGHT FROM EAST OVER MUSLIMS... MIDDLE AGES WERE TOTALLY UNNECESSARY LOSE OF 1000 YEARS... WHEN COLUMBUS LANDED ON BAHAMAS WE SHOULD LAND ON MARS! SO, GENERALLY I THINK MIDDLE AGES SUCKS...
BUT I LOVE HISTORY, ROMANS ARE THE BEST, THE BIGGEST NATION EVER. I HOPE YOU LIKE THEM TOO. THEY DIDN'T HAVE THAT MUCH ARMORS BUT THEY WERE FOR SURE MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE AND CLEAN THAN MEDIEVAL KNIGHTS.
I LIVE IN WEST HOLLYWOOD AND I CAME TO LA BECAUSE OF MUSIC CAREER. IN EUROPE I USED TO BE PROFESSIONAL SOCCER PLAYER SO I AM VERY INTO SPORTS, BESIDES SOCCER CHESS, BILIARDS, SKIING, DIVING...
5'10, 140, ATHLETIC BUILD, BLOND, BLUE EYED... I LOVE TO DATE OLDER THAN ME CAUSE I FEEL MUCH MORE MATURE THAN OTHERS AT MY AGE...
IF YOU FIND ME INTERESTING, PLEASE GET BACK TO ME.
HAVE A NICE REST OF THE DAY
U****

15
Even funnier if you're serious! And lemme tell ya something: I was a French Lit major and was totally into the medieval lyric poetry -- it's amazing how they "did it" back then. We need a time machine. Nothing like a bit of gallantry.

Now, if you go around speaking with an English accent because you think that's so cute, well that won' t work. Figured I'd say that up front.

What the hell is this very-high-pitched sound causing trouble? Never heard of that. Chastity belt, that I can handle. Nothing like starting too soon to ruin something good that's happening. You keep it on.

Here is a stupid picture of me with a fish I caught, and I'll never do it again (catch and stuff a huge fish). And a painting I got recently down in Cartagena Colombia. That was cool. I speak a few foreign languages. Never heard of a "buck" though. I'm a Bruin.

If you know martime law then you must be acquainted with great circle routes.

m****

Seems my fish picture is too big. Here's another ...
*(Includes pic of Mr. Pretentious on hike. It's a self-pic. Probably because everyone hates him too much to help him take a picture of himself.)

16
you sound like a friggin great person.
Midevil/Reniassance times are awesome and I'm
seriously interested in learning about these times
whether we're into eachother or not.
-Cassidy
send me back a picture of you 20th+ century clad...
the armour is cool though.
*(Includes pic of really creepy looking guy.)

17
Sometimes I take liberties with moderns like you and leave out vowels. I'm
interested in you as a friend possibly as I'm not high school game D&D lit.
That's to say I knew the boys playing it then and liked them as people more or
less but didnt become 1 of them. I see something with another history to discuss
if we can, with overlap with your fave age. I recently finished with a
Renaissance woman in London and she called me Mdevl, to sneak in an e. I doubt
she meant it complementarily as she dist then over her period, witch u seem to
like or run into yrs, or vice versa. But that was when we were on terms so
maybe she was playing, knowing my start reached further back.

18
i have a passion for the knights templar. read anything i can find about them. i'm a medieval history buff as well. i'm 50 though that might turn you off. see you m'lady

19
M'Lady,
Very cool! How is it riding around in all that armor? It must be fun. So, I consider myself a modern day knight. I am a Lieutenant in the Air Force and went to a AF Academy. I really like fighting the good fight and being honorable.
So I am also 27 and I live in H****.
Maybe we can chat and see what happens,

To Success,
B****

PS "To Success" is my units motto.
*(Includes pic of schmuck on hike. Repeat responder to my ads.)

20 (originally typed in multiple colors)
Before I discuss the reason for responding to your ad, and before the thought enters your mind that this is some bloody boiler plate canned mass generated response, please gander at that electronic monstrosity called myspace which has my profile: www.myspace.com/8*****
You can't eat your cake and have it too, now can you? ("When people say, 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too.' What good is a cake you can't eat? What should I eat, someone else's cake instead?")
Yehhhh....Okkkk....moving forward!

I am 25, Jewish, 6'2", slim, athletic, and very active in sports like skiing, mountain and rock climbing, swimming, biking, running, waterskiing, skydiving, soccer, hockey, golf, tennis,etc.
I especially enjoy traveling and just this past summer I was in Europe, Budapest and Zurich, and I spent over a month there. I had the most amazing time there, and it was all rather lively to say the least. I would love to share my experiences there with you.

I work for I***, and I am currently transitioning into architecture designing Bauhaus style homes, incorporating all available renewable energies....

Please do tell me a little bit about yourself such as current career involvements. (I mean I would like to know everything there is to know, but at the same time I wouldn't want you to reveal all of your cards..no..ahem..of course not!)...

just a few interests of mine:
Arthur Janov:"Primal Scream", Joseph Murphy: "Power of the Subconcious," Philip Roth, Updike, Kurt Vonnegut, Terry Gilliam, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Beckett, Kafka, Pinter, Woody Allen, My Dinner with Andre, Monty Python, Kubrick, Carol Reeds, Orsen Wells, Tati, City of Lost Children, The 400 Blows, 8 1/2, Philip Glass, Koyaanisqatsi, Kurt Cobain, Camus, Huxley, Frank Lloyd Wright, Lennon, Shamanism, Progression, Primitiveness, Reductionism, Nikola Tesla, Nanotechnology, Schnabel, Jarmusch, Holistic Health, Auric Healing, yoga, TM, Neo Rauch,etc.

There is so much to say, yet not enough space in this here little four sided box.
Narrator:More cliches? Blimey!

And so it goes........

I am looking at a Bauhaus style house, and I was wondering if you were interested in taking a look at it with me! It's still on the market, but I have this feeling it won't be for very much longer...ahem...excuse me!

Thank you kindly for your attention.
I****
ps
Attached is my picture. Please do send me a picture of yourself.
*(Includes pic of guy in black shirt. I recognize him as a repeat responder.)

21
Hi my dear fair lady I know we will never meet olny in gods kindom where he waits for us to join him with our family

I'm 46 of age my fair lady never married nor have any girlfirend but I do know the lord have bless me with a mind thats global

I talk to you soon maybe in another time

22
You HAVE Armor ! That is so cool. I have to say i am a bit of a history buff my self. 2 years ago me and a buddy whent to the SCA event in Phoniex it was pretty cool. He joined Chaide i think. Any way my name is Joe im 29 and i live in encino. I am an electrican the money is ok it pays the bills, so what else are u into?

J**

PS: do u have any pics of u in ur armor, not that i am crazy i just think its cool. How many people do u Know who have a set of armor?

23
I thought about answering your ad in old english, but that seemed a bit much. I will say I majored in History in college, with an emphasis on the middle ages in both Europe and Asia. While I ceased to play D&D in high school, I am currently play World of Warcraft, which is pretty much everything I wished D&D could be as a kid. I am a huge closeted nerd (actually not so closeted, but you would never know it upon first meeting me). I'm an avid reader of Sci-fi and fantasy (racing through Tad William's Otherland series at the moment) and watch a lot of TV and movies (can't wait for "Rome" tonight). Thankfully, all the tv and movie watching has paid off, as I work in the entertainent industry and love my job. The storytelling process is what I live for, no matter what the medium.

I won't lie, I've only been to one rennaisance faire in my life, but I had blast.

M***

24
Good evening, M' lady!

Frankly, I don't think I'm qualify to be your gallant knight - I'm more into Tolkien's world than English history.. Actually, I'm not English at all - I am Russian from Russia and my English is very pale comparing to my Russian. Oh, and I have a strong Russian accent! I used to play AD&D (thief or clerick, hehe) before I moved to LA and I even tried to play online in IRC chats but it's not as fun as it is in person. I work as IT guy in a law firm and I must say I like working with computers.
Do you really wear a chastity belt? The ones I saw were really ugly and rusty. I guess titanuim makes it much more wearable. I'd like to send you my photo in chemical protection suit but I cannot find it anywhere (it looks almost like your armor but it mado of rubber and a gas mask is not as shiny as your helmet).

Can you go out see movies or they are not recommended because of VHP?

25
Wow, a Fair Maiden! :)

You are God send. Indeed. I am impressed with your personal. I am a history buff myself, and have a photo dressed like a knight. But of course, that was long time ago, when I was handsome, young and foolish.

Sadly, galantry is dead. The days when brave knights rescued the distressed damsels are (almost) gone. :(

Passion. Perfection. Power.

Truly,
A Wandering Knight

26
Hi!

...so your CL ad caught my eye! :o)
I have always had an interest in damsels, knights and squires...
(i figure, if i HAD lived in that time... i'd probably be a good squire to some decent knight!)
...though a few of my friends have gone to Ren-Faire many times, somehow i missed out.
i have read quite a few books on King Arthur... my favorite being _the Once and Future king_
my favorite knight is Gareth of Orkney... :o)
...that must be quite difficult, dealing with VHP (pitches?!)..., i have heard that very low sounds
like that of an elephant roar can do the same thing...
and then lastly, i went to school in Madison... so you're a buck and i'm a badger! :o)

blue skies,

tea (asian male)

27
It sounds a little surreal. AI hate to say it but you are an amazing
character. I am a screenwriter/producer and i have to say i would
love to meet you, if you are indeed real.

I just can't tell you how intriguing your posting is.

A little about me to see if you are at all interested. But before
that....you are fascinating.

me 5'9" grew up in LA. educated, USC, CU,

Trim toned body, Mediterranean looks, trim toned body.

Brow hair and eyes. Really well traveled. Very open minded. I happen
to like the law... but i don't have to talk about it.

I am also a doc director who is trying to make films that save the world.

I love swords and other medieval paraphernalia.

Please write me back so i know you are real and i hope we can meet.

You seem so interesting.

J**

RESPONSES: The Post-Op Woman Seeking Man

I found these responses to mostly be creepy, yet dull. They weren't that fun to read, but at the same time they were just...strange. I ended the ad after only about one day of it being posted. Of course, I feel I saved the best one for last.

By the way, if you're looking for responses for the last two ads, there were none.


1
i like your hairs : )

paul

2
are you drunk?

3
Ahhh... you're supposed to look At the camera
when someone takes a picture of you...

4
A chicken and an egg are lying on their backs on a bed.

The egg is smoking a cigarette...

The chicken says, " I guess that answers THAT question..."

HAPPY(belated)VALENTINE'S DAY!!!
*(Includes tacky picture of loser with really long, gay hair.)

5
Hello how are you??

Here is a little about myself.

I'm twenty-nine and hell of a cool guy.

I consider myself a very fun gentleman that knows how to handle business at any given point. I love my life and everything around it. I have a great group of friends and a great family, which of course I love.

I play basketball, love to dance, outdoor activities, love my career (computer engineer), like to travel, music is a must,

FYI: (Latino 5'11'' - 188 lb) I'm the guy to the left and I look better in person.

You are more than welcome to email me back at h****@aol.com

C*****
*(Includes picture of this drunk with a drink in his hand. He looks inebriated. Man, he's so fun and cool, he's with his "great group" of loser friends in Vegas--single, unable to get laid, their only solace that he can drink and attempt to wash away his loneliness.)

6
Hey, what's up? I just read your post. I'm here at my house ( i live on my own on the eastside of LA) with a bad case of insomnia, just killing time and trying to get to sleep. Your ad really stood out to me. I think your magazine sounds interesting. I'd like to hear more about it sometime. I'm a manly intellectual. I work as a photographer. I like doing stereotypical guy things. I like exploring the city. I'm not going to send a ic, because it never represents what I want to show.

I'm the guy you want to meet. Leave it at that. I'm down for my life and I'm down for my friends. If you've got some spirit, let's meet up right now somewhere. Let's get a late night snack and talk about life, philosophy and the future until the sun comes up. I'm down, are you?

7
I read your post, we should talk

send a picture

*(Includes incredibly gay picture of wet Asian guy. I think he pulled it off the internet, because it looks like a screenshot from a movie or something.)

8
hello would you like to chat?lmk

*(Includes self-taken picture of nerdy Hispanic guy in baseball cap. He can't smile, because he's too cool to smile. He's tough. Tough guys don't smile. Tough guys can't smile because then he wouldn't be tough. He'd be a loser. So he CAN'T smile or you'll KNOW.)

9
Hi i saw your ad and i did like it. Yet i have many questions i wanted to ask you. I really like to get to you more. About me me name is khalifa and i live in long beach. 24 years old. Ok so here is my number 562-***-**** let me know if you are intersted or if you dont want to call you can always email me. thanks

10
Hi there , I was browsing through the ads and i came
across yours You seem like a sweet young woman, This
is about me My name is b****. I am 29 years old.I am
very sweet,caring,honest,and have asense of humor.My
hobbies are going to movies,going to the
beach,romantic dinners,going to baseball games,and
cuddling. I am looking for someone that is
sweet,caring,and honest.Thanks for taking your time
into reading my message have a great day and I hope to
hear from you soon. Bryan
*(Includes pics of guy with his cat. He loves cats. I've been doing this long enough now to remember getting these pictures in response to a previous ad.)

11
Cool posting. I do like watching bowling, but didnt think anyone else really watched it. I did enjoy watching basketball as well, but it seems to be too ghetto for me, with the fights and b.s. My sport of choice is Baseball. Although I dont like Barry Bonds, this will be his year. Steroids and all. Not into religion but also respect those that are. Love to see a pic, hope to talk to you soon.

R.

12
Hi!
I must admit I am very curious about you. I am divorced w/ a son, so if my 8 yr old boy doesn't notice I'd love to meet you, unless you are looking for childless men... Of course, when he's old enough I wouldn't mind telling him the truth, only if you would want to...Craigslist doesn't accept my pics 'cause their size is too large, but you can check out my posting in C L los angeles men seeking women dated feb 18, titled "asian argentinian...."
If you'd like to know me some more, please reply to this email address with some pics of yourself and a few lines.

13
Hi there...

I live in santa monica too. I'm 33, single white professional. I'm 6' tall. Very down to earth and comfortable anywhere. Sounds like we would have fun being spontaneous together. Write back if you think so too. ;)

xoxo
j****

*(Includes pics of this single white professional schmuck in a bar. He's hangin' out, talkin' to the laydeez. They must hate him, though, if he has to try picking up a woman who had a sex change (ie. former man))

14
Hi I am M***

Your ad attracted my attention as I realize we may have a lot in common.

I am fit sporty with a new approach. 195 lbs 5-11 clean healthy metaphysical

Meditation yoga adventure naturism Weekend getaways
Singing guitars karaoke funny no smoker 48 self-employed grayish eyeglasses.

15

eddie can u send a pic from boston in la
*(WTF?)

16
HI
HOw are you doing today , i have been trying to meet on the chat ROOM

I am very interested to know you
I saw your picture , you are very prety .. i like you a lot > >> ANTI JAMILA
By the way my name Is s**** , I am a single Man who is l00king for a serious relationship , I 'm 33 years old
And i feel that, i am at the right address , because you attractive and single like me , i don't think you want to be single for a long Time : )
SO, Let's try to HOOK up , I assure to you that we are going to have a lot of fun , I really need someone like you to share my life with, >>>> ANTIJAMILA
My name SAmir AGAIN , and that's mean (Romantic) , I have your picture in the WALL of my ROOM . YOu have very nice eyes , very GOOD
SMILe .. GOD... YOu are very prety
*(Fucking weirdo.)

17
Wait...a woman who loves sports, and who I can have a catch with too?

I'm interested!!!
*(Includes pic of dork on beach. What a dork.)

18
hey there,
i am not just an image in your head

once again, i do exist and look forward to hearing
back from you
s**
*(Includes the picture below. In case you can't tell, this guy took his picture and added it to the one I posted as "me.")

A White Knight for a Fair Maiden

I got some suggestions of what to do with the next ad. I took a little of what people wanted to see and put it in this one.

Art thou the man for me?

Let me tell a little about me. I'm obsessed with medieval history. I actually have a degree from North Wisconsin University (Go BUCKS! I'm a buck! You're a buck! Chuck chuck chuck!) in Medieval English history (as well as a law degree, but that was grown-up stuff so I could find a job). If you're into medieval times, then you know about the Society of Creative Anachronisms (we're a group of people that regularly meets to try to faithfully recreate 14th to 16th century England). It was a great time in our world's history--rich with art, gallantry, and events. It is my passion.

I'm a maritime lawyer during the week. I graduated from law school a year and a half ago and have no love for the law. Enough said. If we talk, it will never be about my job. My job pays for my passion. However, I will tell you about my collection of 14th century pottery and weaponry (some are recreations but are just as fun to play with).

I'm hoping to meet the most gallant of gallant men. You naturally and unselfishly open doors for women and would gladly take off your jacket for me to step over a puddle (though it's not required). You have a strong love for Dungeons and Dragons, and will always refer to me as, "M' lady."

I will be up front and say that I have a certain medical problem where certain very high pitched sounds (VHP) force bowel activity. It is very embarassing, but I want to be honest. And since you won't know who I am until you contact me, I feel no threat in telling you now. It is a serious medical issue (though non-life-threatening) that the media usually makes fun of. Because of this, we will not be able to attend any concerts together.

As well, I do wear a chastity belt. It was hand-crafted in England last year. I can take it on and off, but do keep it on most of the time (it is NOT cast iron as most people think; it's actually made of a stainless steel and titanium chainlink). My point I'm trying to make is that I'm very old fashioned. The belt will come off when I say it is time to come off, and no sooner. If you are expecting physical activity by the second date, please do not waste your time any further.

I'm on the left in the picture. I spent each summer during college working for the rennaisance fair as a knight. If you email me something nice, I'll email you back with a picture where you can see my face (I'll be in a dress instead of armor).

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/w4m/280817659.html

CL Ad Woman Seeking Men: Smile Me Your Smiling Eyes

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/w4m/280554966.html

Check out the latest Craigslist ad. Tell me what you think. Does it make sense? I think it's kind of funny, but it's Chinese New Years and it's 3:45 in the morning. A lot of things are funny. Bob Saggot? Funny. Tornadoes? Not funny. Blue cheese? Fucking hilarious.

So here's the latest ad (as well as at the above address)...

Smile Me Your Smiling Eyes - 27 (Santa Monica)

Hey, y'all! I'm looking for some fun. Maybe we could go paddleboat in Silver Lake or go bowling in Pasadena or something like that. I'm looking for an LTR, but low pressure. And you've got to like cats and not mind my obsession with the 1946 to 1959 New York Knickerbockers. I've been having trouble looking for someone, but I feel my luck is about to change.

The Man I'm Looking For:
I'm looking for a tall man with smiling eyes. Are you spontaneous and do you love good food? Me too. Do you LOVE sports? Do you especially have a place in your heart for bowling? Cool, me too! You're a professional man who isn't living at home; and if you are, it's because you want to and not because you have to. You can eat a big manly cheeseburger just as easily as a plate of pad thai or war won ton soup. And as you read my ad, you feel the "connection" that I hope you do too.

Who I am:
I'm a 27 year old very busy professional. I'm in the early stages of starting a magazine (we're in the early logistics stages, but you'll see our first issue within about 6 to 9 months if all goes well). It's called YTP (for Young Transformed Professional), and it's really the first magazine of its kind. As mentioned, I LOVE sports. I have a degree in sports history from New Mexico State University and spent a short time in minor league baseball before making my big change. I still enjoy bowling, and play in the Los Angeles Transformed Bowling League. I'm white and not religious; I hope you can respect my lack of religion, as I will respect YOUR religion (or lack thereof). Religion was shoved down my throat growing up (literally), so I've stayed away from it in adulthood and have really changed my mind about a lot of things.

I must be up front and let you know that I am now post-op. I am now a woman. I have the correct anatomy, and nobody I've spoken with or talked to notices any difference between me and other women. Sometimes I get mail addressed to my previous identity, but I've always identified myself as a woman. If I didn't say anything, I guarantee you would never know. However, in the interests of honesty, I feel I must tell you now rather than later (ie. when you ask why I get a lot of mail for some guy).

I look forward to your email. Please include a pic or two, and I'll email you back with the same.

NEW CL Ad: Inspired by a real response

I put up a new Craigslist ad because after three or four days, I've received NO responses. Not one. Not a single solitary one.

This one might not either, but I put it up anyway. The latest ad is inspired by an actual response to a personal ad. I didn't receive this personally. Someone emailed this to me as a response to a legitimate personal ad. The original email that was sent as a response to the personal ad was this:

Hi I Read Ur Craigs List Ad And U Seem Like A Really Sweet Girl. My Name Is D***** Im 21 I Will Be 22 On Febuary 26th I Live In Loveland. But I Go To School In Fort Collins At Front Range. Im Taking The Semester Off Though So I Work And Save Up Some More Money To Go Back An Take The EMT Certification Course.Its Been One Of My Dreams To Be An EMT Because I Love To Help People And I Love Kids. I Love To Hang Out With My Friends. I Like Football Especially The Patriots I Like The Broncos 49ers And Raiders Too. I Know Alot About Electronics Especially Computers. I Like To Play Video Games Too. I Like The Outdoors. I Like To Go Iceskating,swimming,paintballing,bowling. I Also Like To Go To Clubs And Dance Although I Cant Dance Very Well But I Try.I Like To Go To Bars Sometimes. I SIng Karioke. I Dont Have That Good of a Voice But I Like To Sing!! Im An Old Fashion Type Of Guy So I Like To Be Romantic. Anyways Thats A Little Bit About Me

Tell Me About U
God Bless
D*****

So the personal ad I wrote is titled, "Let's Change Our Lives Together."

It is posted at http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lgb/m4w/278447326.html. It follows here:

I want to meet the most amazing woman ever! And in return she gets to meet the most amazing man ever!

Let me tell you about me. My name is David and Im 21 and will be 22 on Febrary 26 It is going to be my birthday I am excited to turn 22. I live in Wittier but go to school at CalState LA. Im taking the Semester off though so I can work on getting some acting jobs and then will go back an get the degree in Fire Safety Technology which is really cool (been thinking about getting a degree in math or business tho!).Its been one of my dreams to be a fireman. Something about holding the hose in my hands and squirting it on things There's nothing like it and I love to help people. I like football including Fantasy Football! It is the greatest.

I am a big fan of Star Wars (Steven Speelburg is the best movie maker ever!). I go to Stars Wars parties sometimes My favorite thing to do (usully on weekend) is dress up like DARTH VADER and go to a mall. I think Darth Vader is really cool and people like it when I do this They think its really him (I hope!!). Im hoping another Star Wars comes so I can be in it Everybody needs to tell Steven Speelburg!

I like iceskating, swimming, bowling, paintballing, bungee jumping, poker, dancing, surfing. I like the outdoors. I'll dance with you but I dont dance good but I will try anything once: especially for you!! I sing karioke too! I don't have That Good of a Voice but I like to Sing way a whole lot!!

I drive a really cool car which is a 2005 BMW M5. My mom and dad are in real estate They sell a lot of houses I thought of doing it to but I'll stick with the car and stay in school. I tried acting but its too hard. I did a commercial for security system but that is the only acting work I did.

I hope I meet someone who loves Star Wars because it is the greatest movie ever. I hope you like to try new things but if if you like old things your old things might be new to me. Right? We can go to the beach and swim Soon it will be worm enough! You can drink but I dont do it all the time. Smoking is okay too with me because theres nothing too bad about it (but I dont do it that much!).

DONT EMAIL ME JUST BECAUSE I AM RICH. I am not rich but I drive a nice car so dont go out with me just because you want money. Lets go out and well have a lot of fun. Im just a regular guy Do you like paintball?

I cant wait to here from you so we can start our lifes together!

*(I also put up a picture of a guy looking introspective with the ad.)

Latest Craigslist Ad: Where is the opposite pole of my magnet? - 27

See it NOW! http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/m4w/277271727.html

Where is the opposite pole of my magnet? - 27

Where is the opposite end of my magnet? Where is the cream of my coffee, the night of my day, the sky of my Earth?

I find that opposites attract. I find it so exciting when there are two completely different people entering a relationship together. I think this is what the Lord intended when He invented marriage, or at least dating.

ABOUT ME: I went to Northern Arizona University and got my BS degree in civil defense and business. I used to run a business that hired out entertainment (like clowns or character actors usually for kids' parties), but found more fulfillment (and money) as a Jesus Christ-for-hire. I hired a crew of people who dress up like Jesus Christ and we attend childrens' parties and evangelical meetings. Instead of just making balloon animals and doing tricks like your regular clown-for-hire, we teach children the gospel while making balloon animals and performing 'miracles' (ie. tricks, like turning water into wine, though it's really just food coloring--don't tell!). Some people leave their work at the door when they go home, but I am my work (as I think any entrepreneur is). With our plans to franchise and expand to other religious figures for hire (Buddha, Joseph Smith, etc.), life is quite exciting for me.

My hobbies include cooking, listening to independent music (usually Christian), and photography. I try to instill the greatness of our Lord and Saviour into my photographs, so they're usually of a religious nature. I put one up with this post. If you like it, I'll have some of my collection up for public viewing during the first week of March in the lobby of the Ranchmont Inn in Palm Springs (actually about forty miles northeast; but this will be my first public viewing and my whole congregation plans to show).

Other than that, I'm an avid participant in war reenactments. If you've hung out with any guys recreating the Bay of Pigs invasion in Griffith Park, I may have already met you. I'm interested in everything from fabled battles by Nordic warriors to guerilla wars during the Vietnam war. I try to participate in one at least a couple of times per month, and would be totally psyched if you're into this.

ABOUT YOU: I want to meet a laid back woman who's into anything if it involves fun. You're accepting of other peoples' values and love to try new things. I'm not into religious girls. If you're Christian, that's okay, but I find I have more fun with those who are not (though I myself am quite devout). Can you quote the bible? Not important. Do you know where the closest In 'n Out is (and I mean the hamburger--haha)? That's what matters.

My last girlfriend was totally unlike me and we worked out very well. She was vegetarian, and I was not. She was into surfing, and I was into Scripture. When she went back to prison, our relationship sort of died. I'm looking to rekindle that excitement. I think you'll agree with me when I say that opposites really do attract.

A Response to the Riddler: Replies to CL Ad

Before I post the TOP responses, let me reiterate that the riddle is completely bogus. I made it up. There is no solution, because it's complete bullshit.

That said, enjoy the responses to the ad (with many stabs at the answer):

(1)
I've got to know if my answer is right.

They can all leave the room, just not at the same time.

The antellope can roll the cantaloupe out, then the ant and the antellope can walk out one after the other.

(2)
I'm gonna have to ask you some questions about this antelope.
What would say is the size and weight of this animal?
does it speak? What are the dimensions of the doorway this antelope
entered? Does, it have a name? What color was it?. Now, this Ant.
can it speak? Does it have superpowers like mind control, super strength, or a hadookin?...As for the cantaloupe...That bastard!!!! was it sleeping with ant's wife?
A 'back door Man" or in this case a back door cantaloupe? Does it associate with a panda with bad camouflage and an immitation crab?..THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!

THINK ABOUT THESE QUESTIONS... CLUES ARE EVERYWHERE...

Hey, that was THE GREATEST PICK UP LINE EVER!!!
I read your Ad when I should of been looking for an apartment...
Your ad was an interesting read...I really like the activist side you write about.
I am active in some causes myself..I had not planned to respond to an ad, But
I have to know more about you...."the side of your head is HOT!!!"...
I'll send a pic if you like.....Fuck it! here goes....
*(Includes two pictures. One is just picture of this tool looking at the camera. In the other, the tool holds a guitar he's probably about to put on eBay when he realizes he spent too much on an instrument he can't play and had no idea he'd actually have to learn it if he wanted music to come out of it. Schmuck.)

(3)
Dear Dragonfly,


Perhaps I'm not getting the motivation for why these items/animals should leave the room and what, if anything determines the order in which they should leave. If its the case that all items in the room must leave at the same time it would be simple enough for the ant to eat the cantaloupe then the antelope eats the ant and strolls out the door. Is the door open? If not, only the ant can leave.

You're absolutely right, it is trippy :)

This Duvantin you speak of... I think it might be similar to Victory Gin :)
http://www.studentsfororwell.org/

My story:
27/latino/6'3"/195

Rutgers Philosophy undergrad. Grew up in New Jersey, lived in NY for a few years, now I live in P****. I'm a producer/project manager for a motiongraphics studio [b****[DOT] tv]

Sounds like you have a penchant for the the awkward. I love awkward.

check my myspace for pics and profile:
myspace [DOT] com/i****

(4)
Post witnessing your ad, I am bereft of breath. Your ad, disambiguate, is empyreal, with a piqued run-on sigh...


>Who can leave the room, and who must stay behind?

Every insectoid, mammal and the scores that dwell in the paranucleus may withdraw from the room. The insect may journey along his chemically winsome path. The antelope, in one temerity swoop of its head, has propped the melon securely on its horns. Generalissmo in disposition, the antelope begins its descend, but after a cacophony of antelope shrieks and hooves crashing against all in the periphery. Generalissmo then, but now the mollycoddle with metal leg braces who have endured a impromptu bob-sled crash to the bottom. If this not quells for an answer, then my answer is: there is no answer.

As for the flora nomenclature, I wrest Hyacinth or my diadem, the Dionaea. May you be the Blue Orchid? (so euthanize me, for I surmised).

Caveat emptor.

~A***
*(Includes pic of two dudes.)

(5)
Hello Pretty Angel ,
Before I Proceed Further I think it will be Polite for me to Introduce myself to you.
My Name is l**** Lived In los angeles InCarlifornia, I am 5'9 Tall average body and mixed race I'm 35 years of age,i was born in Palemo In Italy, though my dad is from Palemo in Italy but my mom is an american.
h. I am a single,i have 1kid his name is m**** he is **yrs.i have been divorced for about 7 years now.....
I am a christian by Religion and also a Caring,Nice,Kind,Faithfull,Loyal and God Fearing Man.I have spent my life getting involved with the arts as an artist though i am not yet accomplished.i dopaintings of portraits and i also make collections of artifacts and sculptures...
I am a Man of High Moral Integrity....Kind and Very Supportive..I belive I am the Type of Man a woman would Love to spend the rest of Her Life with becos I have the Qualities a Man should have.I do drink socially But i dont smoke.
Well i just joined the site and was browsing through profiles when i came across yours, your picture did catch my eyes and I really wish to know more about you and that is why I decided to write you on here and see where it lead Us to.No one knows where the right one Lives...But we all Pray to God so that we can have the right Person to spend the rest of our Life with.
Also I am willing to Relocate if I found the Right woman and I don't care where ever she Lives or stays..But I would Love to know More about you as well .
I would Love to chat with you on my Yahoo Id- ******@yahoo.com..so if you Intrested in getting to know more about me as well..you can Reach me Overthere and we can start to Communicate Overthere
*(WTF?)

(6)
Hi, I hope this email finds you in good spirits. I'm so torn in writing it, you seem like exactly the kind of girl I get along with really well; but honestly these days I am more a "change the system from within" kind of person, and quite frankly, I don't believe in activism without heavy research first... Which is the sticking point. The first date you propose? You should investigate it. Duvantin doesn't exist, nor does a government conspiracy to feed it to us. What DOES exist is a little production company called Malfunction Films that is currently working on/promoting what looks to be a blair-witch style indie satire about a government program (that doesn't exist, and comes from a fictional government department at that) to feed the nation happy pills. Now, was this to gauge the cleverness of respondents, or are you just the sort who loves a good protest, regardless of what it's for?

The ant and the antelope can leave the room, though apparently not at once.

Your pal,

Mr. Spinach Salad

(7)

the antelope stays behind right?

(8)
if they can all leave one at a time then wouldnt they all leave? Well, not the cantaloupe, it would have to be eaten or left behind.

(9)
Oh jesus!!! I'd eat the canteloupe myself, step on the ant and I would leave the room...I dont care about the antellope. He can leave too. THATS THE WAY I ROLE!!! (What movie?)
*(Includes pic of tattooed fucking loser. He's so tough, dude! In one, he's taking his picture with a camera phone. In the other, he's glaring at the camera. So angry. What movie? How about stop living your life through movies and get your own life. That's how I role, ya whore.)

(10)
The answer is: The cantaloupe leaves first! Here is how: The ant and the antelope (I believe you meant antelope, not antellope, but that's minor) start to fight for the fruit. Maybe the ant crawls up to its butt and stings it close to a particularly sensitive area, the fact is that the antelope in pain kicks the a cantaloupe by chance and the fruit rolls down the stairs, acquiring speed and momentum on its way down. The door to the outside is half open (45 degrees?), the cantaloupe hits it and two things happen: 1) the cantaloupe bounces out of the house on an 90 degrees angle towards the sidewalk, rolls down to the pavement where it is crushed by a car passing by. Later on it is removed by a street sweeper; 2) the door hinges wide open under the cantaloupe impact, hits the wall behind and bounces back closing and locking itself in one move. Neither the ant nor the antelope can leave, 'they must stay behind', possibly for their own good.

Another riddle: Imagine for a moment you are getting dexterously sodomized. Your first neurobiological reaction it is from: a) your G spot, as intense pleasure; b) your brain's limbic system, as a hormonal discharge in your bloodstream; c) your brains's grey matter as a philosophical reflection on your connection to the universe in general and this guy in particular; d) all the above; e) other (explain).

Dear unknown: I had fun reading your post last night. The above was meant to return some of it to you and did not mean to be disrespectful, just a bit freewheeling. Write back and we will go from there. I am using my undercover (Clockwork Orangish) address for this. Later on, if all goes well, I will use the regular one. Best.

(11)
To start with I normally suck at these things pretty badly, but here it goes..

1) They all leave, they each eat the cantelope and exit, so technicaly the cantelope exits, it's just inside the other two
2) The ant leaves. The ant can't eat the entire cantelope and the antelope obviously can't use the stairs

I'm sure there's many more possibilities, and I'm also certain I am over analyzing this, but I would love to hear the answer.


(12 - WARNING: Horribly long and idiotic email!)
Hello Lady!!

Riddles are fun, I don't know any off hand. I do though like puzzles and
being totally silly!! Hence my e-mail in following. So if you can get
through it with out a smile .... Hmm I don't know what to say. If you
laugh or smile then all is good in the world !! LOL So sit back and
enjoy and I hope I intrigue you with my response.

This country has gone the way of the idiot !!! One nation under DOG ...
oops I mean god .. I am a writer and artists. yes published and dirt
poor, acturally dirt is too expensive, I can only dream about having
dirt for my own. Sense of humor ?? What on gods green earth is that ????
I have an etche sketch memory . I know I was talking about some thing...
Oh yes thing great little critter ! I have a wicked silly sense of
humor, my sense of humor like George Carlin and Robin Williams mixed
.... Too much "caff-a-ine" is ggogoooggooodoooddoddd (good) !!! Must
slow down my brain, Oops!

The squirrels made me do it !! Your not buying this are you?? Okay
moving on .. I'm a 6'1" 160 lbs Gorilla .... Irish Gorilla .. You know
the knuckle dragging type. I have blew eyes (oops I mean blue) my hair
is chest brown (oops there I go again Chestnut Brown) But I'm a decent
looking gorilla who can't spell worth a damn at times. Must fix that
some day ...Not right now.

I love to kayak ... Kayak is another word for trying to drowned oneself.
I'm completely blind and I skydive ... It scares the hell out of my dog
!!! LOL Just kidding, I see fine. Well ...another deep subject ... I
mean, well not in the dark ... I keep tripping over things .. I swear
the furniture is conspirering against me ... Yeah thats it !! I disavow
all knowledge of this e-mail.

Again I mispell the bloody hell out of tginhs (things) ... LOL Oh yes
I'm completely insane, I have to be to live in Los Angeles... I swear
its in the water !!

Vices ? I have one and it gets alot of use. Comes in real handy when I
needto fix someting, Oh wrong vice ?? None .. I don't smoke nor drink
..Well ... again another deep subject ... I do drink ..you know water,
juice, tea, soda .. LOL I sleep alot ... or maybe thats only at
ZZZZZZZZZZ ... I'm sorry that damn narcalepsy again !! I'm a cat person
... I have many !! I find I lick myself regularly MEOW!

I have only one ... A needy female cat that looks like a four legged
orca.. When I sleep she cry's thinking shes all alone.. Sad sight I
swear, I can't find a good cat threapist ... no one speaks cat !!

I haven't gotten to the good part yet .... What was I saying , that damn
etche sketch memory again ... yes no .. I was dead at the time !! You
can't prove it was me so HA ha !! If I seem abit odd I have succeeded
... I'm special, I rode the little bus growing up ... LOL

In all seriousness, I'm really laid back and fun loving. I am a
professional artist and writer, I have traveled to 29 countries and seen
lots of cool things in m life. I do have a wicked silly sense of humor.
I also posted an ad on CL titled "loving artist seek loving companion"
its in the men seeking women catagory. There is a photo and a long
desciption of who I am and what I am looking for. Its all lies I tell ya
LOL!!!

If you got this far with out thinking that I am completely insane I give
you kudos. Here would you like a kudo ?? LOL I'm very sane, doing what I
do takes alot of focus and imagination. But mostly I have to have my
wits about me to function. I meet alot of people who might see me
goofing with my mates and think I am totally daft, I really don't care
what other people think of me, yes I do, No I don't, but I do, no you
don't LOL I am happy wth who I am and nothing will shake that. Except
wen I have anxiety attacks ... Bad me !!

I'm not a boy ...I just play one on TV... LOL I'm very caring and kind.
I love animals. people I could do with out LOL ... I do love do have
fun. I'm highly adventurous, I've met several psychos (people) off of CL
or was that psychics LOL .. Some didn't need a mate they needed a
psychologist!! Others were just fine, we didn't click. I moved on and am
still searching. I'm not a one nighter type nor am I unfaithful. I have
an excellent self esteem and a good sense of life and the world. Wheres
my asprin ???

I'm very cultured and enjoy lots of different and engaging events. I'm
fit and active. Plus my coat in nice and shiny LOL ... Sorry can't help
it, Bad jokes and comments invade my mind and just pop out. Its evil I
tell ya !! The voices in my head are in spanish and I speak english !!!
Very frustraiting !! LOL Kidding there are no voices in my head ...But I
do get the sound of a small object being loose if I shake my head too
hard .. Kidding !! LOL

Okay I'll pipe down !! But again in all seriousness I am just a guy Or
at least the last time I looked I was !! Life in the big city it has
destroyed ... well ..deep subject ... I'm not sure what it did. I that
people disease ... you know having no idea to function like a rational
... what is rational ??? Please tell me I have no Idea .. LOL I'm so
lost EEEK !! LOL

Okay I'm going to run, my mind is escaping again and I must retrieve it.
Take cake, oops I mean care and party on !! This is mind gone wild!!
Sorry ... I hope you have enjoyed this installment of P**'s mind totally
... well you tell me?? I now return you back to your normally scheduled
e-mail. Smile your on Candid E-mail

Cheers
P*** in V****

(13)
it takes seven cigarette butts to make a new full cigarette. how many cigarettes can you make with 49 butts?

(14)
Oh you are fun! A true spirit...love it! What I have been seeking in this crazy ass town. I am a production designer...I go to burning man every year...well almost.
*(This fucking putz included a picture of himself. Mr. Pretentious wears facial hair that makes his face look like an ass. No shit.)

(15)
I need help with the riddle. I feel like the german officer in "Life is
Beautiful" anyways what's your name? I'd really,really, REALLY like to get to
know you. Maybe you can help me with the riddle over coffee. Is there a rally
coming up...?

A***

(16)

OK, before I spend too much time on this -- I assume that the antelope can eat the ant, right? You said that it can eat the cantaloupe twice. Also, is the cantaloupe actually capable of leaving the room, anyway?

Oh yeah. And you sound pretty awesome from your post. But I thought I'd try the riddle first

(17)
What's the answer? I came up with all kinds of scenarios! Like the antelope can eat the cantaloupe, and the ant can climb onto the antelope,,hummm???

(18)
Hint!!! Men read the first line...maybe two. Waist of time.... J***
*(Really? 74 responses. I think I know how to write an ad by now. Learn to spell waist. Here's how you know: you're a waste of space, and you have a 46 inch waist. Get it?

(19)
Good morning,
just read your post, looks interesting. Let's see..
Me: 33 y.o. guy from Spain, 4 years living in LA,
special events decorator, amateur musician, 5'10, fit.
Into classic/independendent movies and music. Love
nature, walks, conversation. Hate crowds, anything
mainstream. Pic attached. Interested?

Hey.

PS:
-Your riddle, is it analogous to the
wolf/sheep/shepherd classical one or has any kind of
hidden twist?
-My hippie name is Patchouli, i should meet you in
person in order to give you one.
-I'm a former member of my country's Communist Party,
I reject any kind of violence.
*(No pic. Fucking liar.)

(20)
Hi,

Well the ant would start eating the cantaloupe and go inside while the antellope would want to eat the cantaloupe too.. would charg towards it and the cantaloupe would start rolling down the stairs with the antallope following and the ant being inside the cantaloupe.. so see.. all of them get out.. you should get out more often too!

You sound like my kind of girl :) What'd you do for new years? I went to big bear and went snowboarding.. was great. I think I'm going to go again next weekend :) Here's more of my pics http://www.****.com/*** the one with the longer hair is most recent.. I live in the valley.. Have two dogs (dalmations) so hopefuly you're a dog person. I am fun, sensual, funny, intelligent and a great conversationalist. Have great hands and both feets :D

If you like my pics.. you'll like me better in person .. even if you don't like my pics you'll like me better in person.. you're just going to like me.. you're getting dizzzzzy.. you're just going to reply and ...(to be continued)...

Talk to you soon,

-R**
*(He's asking about New Years? It's the middle of February.)

(21)

...doesn't exist. It's a fictional drug for an upcoming movie!

(22)
The ant can leave by going under the door. But the antelope cannot open the door, No hands to turn the knob.

(23)
Hello,

you are, hm, interesting :D

I am 38, got my ba at the univ. of wa.
got my teaching cred at csulong beach,
and am in an ma program through ufl.
my job is as a teacher of latin, and by
latin I mean latina lingua - the language
of the romans. i teach at high school.
activism - intriguing - i have done some,
not ever been a totally overt activist.
duvantin - it's to help stop the spread of
hpv - the virus that is the culprit for women
and cervical cancer - some govt. agency has
said that it would be wise to start vaccinating
young girls between 11-13, it takes 3 shots.
The other day TX gov. enacted it in his state
as a mandate that cannot be overturned by
the lawmakers - using his executive powers.
I am on both sides for this issue - it is a great
idea to vaccinate young women, but to make
it mandatory is a bit of crossing the line.
But - if you could take a shot and this shot could
greatly minimize or completely banish the
chance of ever having cervical cancer - well, that
has got to be on every woman's mind.

Well - i do read, and like to talk, and like to learn,
and live in h****, live alone, my
mother lives 1200+miles away, only have close
friends near by.

the antellope eats the ant and the cantaloupe.
well, i am artistic, poetic and intellectual.
like to talk. sensitive. ebullient, and reserved.
well,
E**
*(Wrong, schmuck. That's the HPV vaccine. Duvantin is a completely fictitious drug.)

(24)
I think both the ant and the antelope can leave the room. Unless antelope can't go down stairs...

I'm older than you, am a lawyer, and my protest days are in the past. But, I am politically active, and help raise money for good candidates. I do admire people who really care about something, who aren't cynical and who are still idealists.

I've attached a picture, I am sort of hunched over in the pic, I was talking to someone at a dinner party, so its not the best pic, but its recent. Hope you have a great weekend, and keep fighting the good fight....Take care, R
*(No pic included. But he's a lawyer. He lies for a living.)

(25)
Hey there,

Let's go out.

***-***-****

(26)
hello the ant because non of the 3 can open a door and an ant can crawl under it to get out but ill take him years to get down the stairs. hello im r*** 37 not an activist but ill try anything 3 times if im drunk enough haha. how goes the battle, Shaaplie

r****
aka born to be mild

shaaplie=
she who attends all protest in excitement.

(27)
man that is an interesting story well hello how are you i actually read all of your stuff pretty long well i am brasilian guatemalan hispanic i guess love to surf and the beach attend **** math econmics major i am six feet tall 200lbs well :)smile

(28)
No I don't like motion. I prefer lying around 24/7. ; - )
D****
I hold a doctorate in English literature so I can write volumes to you if you care.

(29)
Hey there!!! This is D***.
I attached a photo,
I'm in Culver also,I am 41 (yes that is me in the pic. I look and act younger)
I 'm fit energetic, I am retired so I have alot of time to do the things i Love to do.
I Volunteer my time everyday to help design the patio at a famous Venice local hangout with painting famous art.
I kayn spail aynd riyte (oh yea!! I have a sence of humor)
I see you like protesting, And stand up for gay rights.
Are you Bi-sexual? I am a very very opened minded guy As I am Bi.
I have an ex wife and two kids,But I am 100% baggage free...
They live in Texas.
when I fall in love with someone,I dont fall in love with the sex of the person,I fall in love with who the person is inside.
I might not be marriage material,But I bet you have never met such a likable person that have multi talents as me. I get along with everybody .
I dont know what attracted me to your ad,But something told me stop,look,and read it,And I like what I read. So If I can buy ya a cup of Joe at the Boardwalk this week,I'd be honored.. You can read up on me on MySpace.
http://www.myspace.com/****
email me at ****@yahoo.com
*(I recognize this email. I think he may have responded to a previous ad with the same shit. In his pic, I thought he looked way older than 41. I think him trying to look less than 41, though, doesn't help, and makes matters worse.)

(30)
i want to give it my best try rediscover wut the gurlfriend means to a man e mail me bye
*(WTF?)

(31)
Hi,

Our politics will not entirely mesh, but precisely that is the reason that I am interested in you. I am not at all interested in filling my life with people who feel entirely the same as I do--where is the opportunity for growth as a human being in that?

But what I AM attracted to in your posting (besides your adorable picture) is the fact that you are PASSIONATE about life, and the way you approach it. I feel that I am the same way. And so while I am sure you are getting a lot of responses, I thought I'd throw my hat in the ring here and see if you respond. I am sending my photo (a very bad photo taken on my cell phone) under separate cover.

I hope to hear from you. While I am busy on the 10th (I have a friend here from out of town leaving that day), I love your idea of a first date. And my guess--and it is a guess--to the riddle is that the antelope consumes the cantelope and the ant stays behind. If you hadn't mentioned that it is a "who" that gets left behind (which I am guessing means an animal and not a "thing"), then I might have guessed something else. But there it is... I'd love to hear from you!

E***

(32)
I love riddles very much.
They all can leave together cuz they all are related and therefore they wont eat each other.

ANT
ANT_ellope
C_ANT_aloupe

*(Dude MUST be high.)

(33)
The ant leaves, the antellope stays and feasts off the cantaloupe? I'm curious to hear what the answer is.

(34)
duvantin, it's a zombie maker pill. all humanoids should follow orders with out question, don't you think. now take your duvantin and take your clothes off. smile too.

(35)
Hey,

Is it the ant?

Because the ant will leave first, the antelope will eat the cantaloupe, then leave.

Right?

T

(36)
I love riddles too, I just challenged my fourth grade
students with some on Friday. They're not quite ready
though. My quick answer is to just answer the
question as asked. Who can leave, who can't. The ant
and antelope can leave, the canteloupe can't. It is an
inanimate object. Will any of them be able to open
the door though, I think not.
TJ
*(I feel a soft spot for teachers. I emailed him to tell him the riddle is made up. Of course, if his students piss him off, he can assign it as homework and whoever gets it wrong is held back a grade.)


(37)
are you searching for people with common sense with that riddle? I thought you wanted an artiste!

anyways, the cantaloupe is a cantaloupe so it can't leave the room. it doesn't have legs. the antelope can't leave either because it can't go down the stairs (I think it's the same as cows right?). so, only the ant can leave the room. unless the antelope kicks the canteloupe out the door. but, why on earth would it do that.

anyways, totally non-original and too much sense in this one.

thought your posting was pretty cool though.

I'm 27 and a graduate student in cell biology (and although most people have no clue -- it requires tremendous amounts of artfullness combined with a bunch of "recipe"-reading-styled prespiration-inducing hard work). I live in Palms. I'm a liberal talker (not much of a do-er but I'd like to change that). total music nerd and lover here. definitely active -- marathon runner, volleyballer, soccer player, triathaloner. California native and love it here. physically, you can see below. but, basically, I'm tall (5'11") and skinny.

Brian

here's my myspace ... www.myspace.com/****.

"cuentame si quisieras andar conmigo"

That's it. I'm done. I need food and I've got other shit to do. There's others if you really want to read more. Just ask.